Critical Mass!

Here's a piece I'd written last year, but it's still contemporary in subject since little has changed since I wrote this piece. Guess I've been penny wise and few hundred pounds foolish. Here goes:

One of the most intriguing questions that has troubled mankind since creation has finally taken a turn in my life. How does one bear the weight of expectations; from parents, friends, spouse, boss, the significant other(or in the absence of one, your own!) etc?

Much inspired by one smart alec’s comment which goes like “to fight an ideology, have one of your own”, the realization finally dawned upon me. So dear netizens, the only way to fight the weight of expectations is by mustering some yourself.

With this new found self-belief I started out in right earnest by devouring big mac’s by the dozen. This seemed ok till the inhabitants of my wardrobe refused to cooperate. Humph! The circumstances demanded some tact on my part. After all draping a body that had assumed the shape of an overgrown ectoplasm would be stretching it too far(my poor levis that is). To say I am in good shape would only expose my wicked sense of humour. In fact Euclid himself would have a tough time “figuring” me out at my present disposition.

So now, a new problem? I need to shed some weight to fit in! It’s the time to “weigh” my options. I should probably try restricting my food intake, was a popular suggestion. But given my “never say diet” attitude, the chances of that happening are, honestly speaking, slim! Besides it would force me to eat, if nothing else, my own words, aptly employed at the start of this entry. Maybe I should try some “weapons of mass destruction” ie gym equipment. This would entail a disciplined visit to a gym for at least a couple of months! Doesn’t seem worth the weight...err…wait! I could definitely use some advice. Any suggestions?

To spit or not to spit !

Have any of you ever wondered what a spittoon feels like?
Wait till I enlighten you with an account of my misadventure last year...
Coming back from work, I was crossing the main road outside lifestyle, which to the uninitiated is one of the craziest roads if there is one in hyderabad. Suddenly this monstrosity( an Apsrtc bus) takes me by surprise. I was not particularly caught off guard by the sudden appearance of this grotesque apparition, but by its excretion!!!I felt this projectile which struck me on my cheek.When I felt it with my fingers, I realised I had a sticky situation at hand. Some nincompoop travelling in that very monstrosity was in a good mood to involve himself in a spat. And spotting a charming pedestrian like yours truly ( accuse me of massaging my vanity, but an apsrtc bus is one of the few places where I turn out to be the best looking chap!) he'd found his victim. He launched his chewing gum for my face and his aim was spectacular.
After debating the legality of the culprits relationship with his mother or sister in a fit of rage, I started rushing home with one hand covering the affected areas of my face. I suppose a bloke running with a thinker pose can be quite an amusing sight. I did see an odd passer-by giving me a very bemused grin. The thought of it actually sent me into sudden fits of laughter myself but being at the receiving end, I was'nt particularly amused. Still I sported a smile. I could imagine Jagjit dedicating a few lines to me
"Tum itna jo, muskura rahe ho,
kya GUM hai jisko, choopa rahe ho"
After reaching home, I could'nt help thinking of the man who I strongly believe changed the face of mankind. My gratitude for one Mr. King Camp Gillette got the better of me. After all the disposible variant of his invention saved my face. I dearsay it was a Shaving grace at an eventful end of a bad day.As for me, having written this piece, I am hoping not to lose or split any more hairs thinking about this incident.

Ad-vocate

If there was one thing i dearly missed in my soujourn in manipal, it was the television. One month of domesticated life however has convinced me otherwise. I somehow lack the patience to sit and watch anything on television. Just when it starts to interest me there is a commercial break. And what irks me even more is the quality of ads that are aired. Here are a couple of ads that i believe should not be aired. It could be hazardous to the advertising industry ! These ads could possibly drive away some prospective ad film directors or copywriters to other more lucrative careers or let young creative impressionable minds overlook advertising as a satisfying career.
Firstly theres this undergarments ad that features a physically challenged kid who decides to participate in a race competing with other kids. Once the race starts the kid loses his crutches and falls down. The helpless kid summons daddy dearest. I'd imagined some comic book hero who appears wearing his underwear on the outside. After all, it is an undergarments ad. But hey! who is this? is it a man? is it superman...no its Salman khan! And the buck "or shall i say black buck" does'nt stop here. For some godforsaken reason he rips his shirt off, picks up the kid and starts running,eventually diving at the finish line a-la-rhodes and emerging the winner. humm! the mere fact that i cannot recall the name of the brand seems to defeat the purpose of making the ad.besides i have committed it to mind for its preposterity. Are these ad makers underestimating the intelligence of its consumers?
there is another brand which features ads which are high on pot. one of these harpic type brands which needs to exhibit a pot-pourri of toilets that do not use the product. and suddenly a salesman from the company turns harry potter and uses this magic potion which turns the toilet sparkling white! tasteless to say the least!
now there used to be these itch guard ads which were very disgusting. these ad makers seem to have come of age by shedding the " an itch in time saves nine" paradigm. these guys literally started from scratch and what materialised is an ad thats very subtle but effective. the harpic ad makers better take a good look lest their ads are flushed out of television!

New Kid on the Blog !

Its been a year since i wrote my first blog entry in livejournal, which incidently was my first attempt at blogging. I run four blogs now, and will probably contribute to a couple more blogs, but i still remain the infant i was a year back as far as blogging is concerned. As a writer( or a person who makes an attempt at writing...bleh!), me still clinging on to my brainchildren protectively, so hardly made any progress in this one year.My first entry remains one of my personal favourites, and here it is...

As I write this entry, I shred the last vestiges of trepidation. i finally overcome my inhibitions, without shame or remorse.Contrary to what the name of the blog would blatantly suggest( the name of the blog being "writers blog"), I am not much of a writer but if you probably decipher the pun, you'd figure out that I do have my sympathies for the someone who claims to be a writer.

I think Benjamin Franklin said something to the effect that an individual should always attempt to do something that'll get people to write about his endeavours, or write something about what he does. Well, I never really found this quote inspiring( which is self explanatory given the fact that I could'nt quote Franklin verbatim), though my years in Manipal (what I believe was my creative playground) taught me that the second half of Franklin's quote was the better half…err, more attainable.

Coming now to my engineering years, my exploits in Manipal are what legends are made of (note the sarcasm!). Till date the only test I've taken whose results bear an A+ is my blood test. Also the faculty of E&C in MIT Manipal are known to preserve my answer scripts for the sheer entertainment it provides them. So I am somehow convinced that my memoirs should make an interesting reading.

Sometimes, situations in life leave me at a complete loss for words. Adjectives, alliterations, exclamations, superlatives et al, all absconding me and leaving me vocally challenged. It would take a wizard to conjure a few words within my comprehension to facilitate the description of my thoughts but owing to my feeble powers of narrative, I’d still imagine the accounts of my experiences to be grossly inadequate in terms of closeness to reality. Given my shortcomings, I endeavour to entice the reader with experiences that totally changed my outlook towards life. If however, my entries turnout to be very sporadic, I implore the readers to decipher the pun in the name of the blog.

Welcome to my world !