The Secret Life of Walkesh Mitter, Copywriter.

“And the Terbium Metal Award for outstanding services to the Advertising Industry goes to…”, said Mark Avignon, the last recipient of the honour at the Salzburg International Advertising Awards. For a second, there was complete silence in the 5000-seat Baroque styled Amphitheatre which stood proudly in the world heritage site that was Salzburg. With the silhouette of the Alpine backdrop in sharp contrast to the bright lights of the festival, there couldn’t have been a better venue for such a prestigious award. There was tension in the air, but there was only one man in the crowd who sat with a quiet confidence. In fact, he knew he’d be taking home the award this year the minute he was left out of the jury for the honorary position he’d served since the inception of the Terbium Awards five years back. “The man’s going to win.”, said Jiju Joseph, a senior Indian creative. “And at 29, he’ll be the youngest Terbium winner by a distance”, the veteran declared.  

  

“HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?” shouted Akash Mehta, a 36-year old Creative Director at AHV Advertising. “Walkesh, you were expected to be at the client’s place now, presenting your campaign. But here you cluelessly sit, without a care in the world. Now we have been given one more chance. And I cannot have you Screw it up again. So get of your fuckin’ arse and GET WORKING!”   

“Huh!”, said Walkesh. He turned to see Akash breathing down his neck over a deadline that was safely missed. Just like several others that happen every other day. “Well…err…there’s an idea that's brewing in my head…”, he whimpered. “YES! I can see how keen you are on seeing the job completed. Can you at least name the project that we are currently discussing? Which has already reached a critical state?”

Walkesh looks helplessly at Somdev - his art partner - hoping to find a clue. But like a student who is desperately guessing to achive a pass mark in his viva voce, the dreamy copywriter mentally scans through his joblist. “I know, I know. It’s regarding the Ebony Shampoo press ad right? I’m working on the headline.”

Akash and Somdev nearly suffer a haemorrhage each on hearing Walkesh’s response. “He was referring to the New Generation School pitch.” said Som, trying to gain a rare brownie point with Akash. “And thank you for reminding us of how late you were on the Ebony Shampoo ad”, clarifies Akash, who was forced to wrap up that blasted press ad the week before when the client threatened to part ways with his agency unless he stepped in.

 “Please join me in welcoming the Creative Tycoon, Walkesh Mitter”, said the pretty emcee, as several young students jumped from their seats to get a closer view of the man who revolutionised the communication industry with his radical concepts in Integrated Marketing and Communications. The applause was deafening. And it only stopped when Walkesh raised his hand deftly, like a virtuoso conductor.

“Well, I thank you all for the kindness that you have showered on me. But in all honesty, I don’t think very greatly of my work.” Murmurs in the crowd, some appreciative of the man’s modesty, others critical of his false-modesty. “You see, I have spent considerable time to further develop those ideas that have given me all the fame and honour. And those very ideas that have brought me to this stage, will be rendered void when I unveil my new set of ideas.” The murmurs grow louder. But Walkesh raises his hands once more. “That, ladies and gentleman, is one of the best learnings I’ve received in the fortunate career I’ve enjoyed. You have to be the best judge of your own work, and irrespective of what the world thinks of your work, you have to find ways of constantly elevating your own work to a higher standard. Even if its original form brings you all the laurels you’ve dreamed of. That, in my opinion, is the essence of a creative career, and more importantly, a creative life.” Another deafening applause follows. Once more, Walkesh raises his hand characteristically.

“ Yes, Mr. Mitter. You seem to be a little too keen on offering your views on the recruitment scene in the Banking industry during the economic slowdown?” said Amit Joshi, who headed the HR of Global Bank of India. Walkesh looks at all the amused faces of the client, Akash and Som around him, much like a man who suddenly fell into the room when the roof gave away. “ Well…Sir, I was just hoping you’d help us summarise the problem we were discussing…” A few frustrated heaves follow. Walkesh’s colleagues seem a little concerned with his request. Joshi on the other hand is adamant. “So Mitter, which part of our hour-long discussion didn’t you follow?” In what was perhaps the greatest act of collective Harakiri in the corporate world, Akash jumps to the rescue. “Amit! Let me reiterate. As the agency, it is your belief that our creative team should have been a little more specific with the last recruitment ad for the Managing Director of GBI.”

The half balding client nearly pulled apart his modest mane on hearing a half-baked justification from the Creative Director. Mockingly making air quotes, Amit retorts, “I think calling it a little more specific is putting it a little too mildly. How do you explain a recruitment ad for a Managing Director without ever mentioning the words “Managing Director” even a single time in the ad? And whats worse, your great writer has the nerve to ask me to summarise this for him!! Are we wasting our marketing budget on retards like Mr Mitter here? Mr. Mehta, I'll refuse to pay for this ad. And I demand a fresh ad immediately.”

After being shown the door after much agony, the Creative Director finally exhausts his emotional reserves and gives Walkesh a whack on his head. “This is the last time I’ll ever try to defend you. I thought I saw your worst this morning, but your incompetence can take you far lower than I can ever imagine. Here, let me pat your back once more,” said Akash sarcastically, before taking out his anger on Walkesh’s back.

“They have no idea about my abilities”, thought Walkesh as he returned to office. “I’ll make them regret their words when they finally see what conspires in the great mind of Walkesh Mitter. Now what was this great brief about?" said Mitter, more as a reminder to himself than anything else.

“Rarely, have we the luxury of recognising the efforts of a man so overqualified to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Let us take a moment to remember the great contributions of Walkesh Mitter. Communications pioneer. Writer par excellence. And a fine human being.” Said a septuagenarian in a dour tone, as a one minute biopic highlighted the accomplishments of Walkesh Mitter. As the film comes to an end, the audience start clapping respectively and give a white-haired Walkesh a standing ovation. As he receives the trophy, Walkesh patiently waits for the audience to stop clapping before he begins, “It has been my belief that Man can achieve a great many things if he is only given his right to dream. And I have only committed myself to fight for this cause. Because nothing in god’s world should stop a man from his right to dream?” He then lifts his prize aloft as the audience start applauding.

“DAY DREAMING AGAIN, YOU IDIOT?” Shouts Akash, as Walkesh drops the pen he was holding high up in the air.    

The Mouse Trap - a street play

(Having met Jagdish, Shravan and Priyadarshi within a fortnight, I thought this script had to be revisited. One last time!)

Disclaimer: No rats were hurt while this script was written. And re-written, another three times.

Principal Characters

Bushy Rat Senior(BRS)

Bushy Rat Junior(BRJ)

Bony Hair (Bony)

Sad Mouse (SM)

Kofi Anonymous (Kofi)

Narrator: Long ago, in a kingdom of rats, there lived one Mr. Bushy Rat

(Enter Bushy Rat Senior)

Narrator: He was the last rat standing in the global rat race. A race of arms that is. The Texan rat acquired unwarranted power and therefore, assumed the coveted title of "The Ruler of all Races". Until one day...

(A dirty rat attacks Bushy in the posterior and flees away)

BRS: (Howling in pain) Ow! Ow! That hurt!

(Enter Bushy Rat Junior)

BRJ: Father! Father! Who's that rat? Are you all right? I'll kill any rat who dares to attack my father.

BRS: Son. That was Sad Mouse. The Ruler of I-rat. He's a powerful mouse who controls the country's supply of cheese. We've been at loggerheads because of his demands. So he's been after my life ever since.

BRJ: Father! I'll bring him down to his knees at any cost. I'll do anything within our power to bring him down! And I won't give at rat's ass to what the world has to say thereafter.

Narrator: Twelve years later...

BRS: Son. You are now old enough to rule the kingdom. You are the heir to the throne. You are no longer our little rat. You belong to the kingdom now.

Crowd: No! No! We don't want him. Take him back. Boss, refund!

(The Bushys rush back to their hiding.)

Narrator: One day the World Trading Granary is attacked by Terrorats. Bushy Jr is all infuriated.

BRJ: Freedom itself was attacked this morning, and freedom will be defended. Make no mistake. The United States of Cheesyland will hunt down these terrorats. We'll smoke them out of their holes, or wherever else they hide and give them a hiding. I therefor declare a crusade against terroratism. Let us set a trap to catch that scum of the earth who calls himself Awesome Sin Laden.

(Enter Bony Hair, The Prime Minister from across the ocean)

Bony: Greetings, my lord. Your fur seems a little ruffled. Is everything all right?

BRJ: My dear Bony from over the ocean! How good to see you. I'm afraid things aren't too good here. I thirst for vengeance. This is payback time. I want to draw first blood. I'm going to rid the world of terroratism.

Bony: And how do you propose we do this, my lord. Many races will oppose your move.

BRJ: Bony, what's wrong with you? Do you know who my father is? He built this kingdom. Nobody can challenge my authority here. So stop being a pussy!

Bony: My Lord! I take strong offence at being accused of having feline characteristics. I'm a rat! And I detest all cats!

BRJ: I'm so sorry, Bony! It's the pressure of dealing with Terrorats that's talking. I didn't mean to offend. Come on. I think you'll like this. Let's declare a War on Terroratism.

Bony: Wait! Wait! Let's call the RRC!

BRJ: RRC? Have I heard that name before?

Bony: The Rodent Radio Corporation my lord. They'll do a great job of covering up the war with their coverage. So you can attack without worrying about opposition! Yes, you con!

BRJ: I'm proud of you my dear Comrat! You are the smartest rat I've ever known.

Bony: Second only to you my lord.

BRJ: (Commanding his armies) Let the attack begin!

(The war begins.)

Narrator: It is said the soldiering is a cowards way of harming mercilessly when strong, and keeping out of harm's way when weak. After this mindless rat and mouse game, Bushy's forces stood vindicated. They continued to stay at vigil, but bored.

BRJ: Bony! I'm bored.

Bony: Me too. No wars! What to do?

BRJ: Yes yes. We once had Korea and Vietnam. Or if nothing else, there was always India and Pakistan. But with Mouse Mohan choosing to stay quiet, and Mushy Rat forced into silence, we cant do a thing there...I know we'll do. Let's attack I-rat! This has been pending for long. My father once tried attacking I-rat 12 years back, but with little success. 

Bony: That's a splendid idea, my lord. But how will you justify the attack?

BRJ: Hummm... let's see. (Excitedly) We'll accuse them of possessing the WMD.

Bony: WMD? Forgive my ignorance, but what exactly is the WMD?

BRJ: Even I know this one. It's Weapons of Mouse Destruction, silly!

Bony: Oh that's fantastic! What an idea, sirjee!

BRJ: Ah! That was nothing, my honey Bony!

(To his forces!) My dear rats! It's time to invade I-rat!

(The war begins. Now enter Kofi Anonymous)

Kofi: What's going on? You have to stop this!

BRJ: Kofi! My Friend! You have been missing the action. Join the party!

Kofi: What party? We are talking about war here! I'm against war in principle. 

BRJ: We are also against war in principle. We are just waging a war for the sake of world peace.

Kofi: World peace? You are breaking the world into pieces you fools! Don't you know at the end of the war, it doesn't matter who was right! What matters is who is left?

BRJ: (To Bony) What did that mean, Bony?

Bony:( To Kofi) Now Kofi, please don't just stand there reading poetry. Poems never brought world peace. We've always had to fight for it.

Kofi: Peace is not an aftermath of war. It is the assassin of one.

Bony:  That really doesn't make any sense, Kofi.

(Kofi looks confused)

BRJ:  Yes yes! It did not make any sense to me, either. Now you decide whose side are you on? We are going to fight for world peace, whether you like it or not!

Kofi: Do you call yourself pacifists between wars? (Bony and BSJ nod in approval) Who are you fooling! And on what grounds are you taking the responsibility on yourself?

BRJ: We want to rid the world of WMD.

Kofi: Holy Cheese! Aren’t you two the biggest manufacturers of WMDs?

Bony: We have a responsibility here. The WMD could always fall in the wrong hands, you know!

BRJ: Which is why to be on the safer side, we produce more WMD.

Kofi: (completely confused) No no! I cannot let this happen! Young lives are at stake.

BRJ: Leave him alone! Let’s go and attack!

(The war goes on, I-rat is destroyed)

Narrator: this is RRC live at 1700 hrs. Our beloved Bushy Rat Jr is going to address his subjects shortly.

BRJ: My Dear Rats. I-rat is finally under our control. I hereby declare war on I-rat over and terroratism vanquished. I soon hope to announce the capture of Sad Mouse. And only then can my pop rest on his ass in peace.

Soldier: Sir! I-rat is destroyed!

BRJ: Well done, Soldier! What news of Sad Mouse?

Soldier: We haven’t found him, Sir!

BRJ: (Furious) YOU OAFS! Search every hole in the I-rat!

Soldier: Done, sir!

BRJ: Not Just Rat Holes soldier. Search every hole. Even Spider holes. If Spiders have holes.

Soldier: WE FOUND HIM! WE FOUND HIM!

Narrator: This is RRC, live at 1705 hrs

BRJ: My dear rats! We got him. I’m proud to declare that Sad Mouse will face the justice which he has denied for years to so many of his subjects. I can now proudly state that my pop’s ass can rest in peace…

BRS: But I’m alive, you fool!!

BRJ: Oh sorry, father. I meant you can now rest on your ass in peace.
( To Soldiers) Bring him in!

(enter Sad Mouse, in the custody)

BRJ: There you are, you sad little mouse. I’ll make you sadder than you’ve ever been.

Sad Mouse: #@%$#^%^%*^%* (Some words spoken in a language the other rats cannot understand)

BRJ: (Hiding behind Bony) What did he say? What did he say??

Sad Mouse: Release me and I’ll bite your ass too!

Bony: Oh no! Thank you very much for your kind offer, but Jerry dear wouldn’t approve of your kindness.

(in a threatening tone) We’ll see to it that justice is done and you are punished. Always remember - the mills of justice grind slowly, but grind exceedingly fine.

BRJ: Well said, Bony! Even though I did not understand a word of what you actually said.

 (To Soldiers) Take him away.

Narrator: For now it’s all bliss in the kingdom of rats, but hey! What’s this?

(Bushy, Bony rejoice singing “You and I, rule this beautiful world” to the tune of the famous Hutch Jingle from 2004. Then suddenly, Sad mouse joins them, shakes hands, and starts singing.)

It appears Sad Mouse has now joined the ranks of our favourite rulers.

As you can see, extremists everywhere have more in common than what we come to believe.

You see friends, when intention disappears into oblivion and desire binds those hungry for power, we must unite against this extortion of our fundamental rights and rebel against such atrocities.

(Play ends)

Goodbye World!

Msg 2: Annanya
Hey! We haven't met in two days! That's an eternity in our final semester. What's up?

I smile. Man! Final semester at college was unbelievable. Oh there are some more from the final sem...

Msg 3: Annanya
Accept the technological advances of short messaging services. MSG ME!

ha ha ha! Ann was so sweet. And sarcastic. I cannot imagine how she had so much of time, watching my back, while being in a relationship with Keith? And if that wasn't enough, cooking for us, and working on her thesis. In that order! If I am in a position to understand women now, even remotely, it's all thanks to adorable Ann. Wonder Woman! If I do ever get married, my wife will need a discourse from Ann, cuz no other woman understood me better than Ann. Wonder Woman, indeed!

Msg 6: Janisha
It was so good talking to you today. I missed the coffee and conversations, the long walks and laughs. God! I dont know why I was so unfair to you. I guess growing up helps!And then, you only miss someone when he's not around! ;)
Hugs!


Oh Jenny! Well, the funny thing is I would be mad at her one minute, and we'd be in each others arms the next. Hummm...I cant help but wonder! Everybody in class thought Jenny and I were dating. And I was sucker for it too. How embarrassing! Man, I shouldn't have asked her out. "I thought we were only friends", she said. "Pal, I want you to understand this. I don't wanna lose you as a friend", she said. And then things were never the same. Oh wait! It got worse! We were hardly talking. Till Feb '05, the day I got this msg. And then, things just kept getting better. He he! I guess if we were dating then, I probably wouldn't be reading this msg now. Who reads msgs from an ex three years after you've broken up?

Msg 9: Bharat

Dude!There were things on my mind, which I couldn't really explain. Thought it prudent to leave cuz I didn't wanna say anything that I'd later regret saying. Hope no offences were taken, Pal!

Brett! The dude was wierd! Keith and I wondered if Brett had his periods that day! He he! Look at the number of words he filled his msg with. All this, just to say sorry! "Prudent", it seems! Wait, I gotta look that up on the dictionary. ha ha! Oh I digress. He didn't need to apologise. He had issues with Nishi then. And today he calls and says, he's gonna be marrying Nishi. He he! I really missed out on this story. I wonder what all these two went through after college. Anyway, how could I be mad at this dude? He was definitely entitled to his idiosyncrasies. He he! Cant imagine two engineering blokes writing plays and acting, the way we did. We're never really meant to do engineering! he he! And the guy really offered his case! he he! Silly case-taking or pun-upmanship! ha ha ha! Oh and the women we kept talking abt...all the time! Somehow, he ended up being agony uncle when I was falling madly in and out of love. he he he! And the times he and keith carried me back to my room when I was completely plastered! ha ha ha! Priceless stuff!


Msg 11: Keith
Palak! Dude! Sorry for being a major pain in the proctologist's major, man! LOL! I had to gate crash when you were getting cozy with Jenny. I just needed a hand with my luggage. So are you guys finally datin? LMAO! Well, you've waited 4 years, so dont get too naughty man! Always remember, bros over...you know who? Rock n Roll rules! Peace!

That was his goodbye msg! How the f@#* were we room-mates for 4 years? How did he even manage to impress Ann? Ha ha ha! The guy was surely funny! That's an understatement. He was a live-wire man! He seemed to be wasting his time with Brett and I, not to mention Ann, but he simply aced all his exams. What a stud! The guy had a geek like me for a room-mate and he let me be. He'd always get mothered for being a phoney by Ann, and he's let her be.Brett would screw his happiness for all his diplomatic stands, and it wouldn't bother Kieth one bit! Now I realise it, the guy had a fantastic attitude! He lived for the moment. Whatever he did, he'd give it his best! I guess it takes Superman to sweep Wonder Woman off her feet!

I wonder what these guys are upto. It's been three years. Even though Keith said, "Long-distance sucks, man! All talk and no sex!", Ann and he are still together. Brett is a classic example of corporate sobriety after an the exuberance of youth, choosing to become a husband even before marriage. He he! Jenny's doing her PHD in NY city. And she still writes to me. About all the men in her life. He he! Ann once called me an emotional coolie. Cuz I seemed to handle all of Jenny's extra baggage very well. Ha ha ha! But Jenny still calls, and asks me about what I'm upto. Very often. It's a pity I have very little to talk about. And every time I wanted to call, I wondered what it was that I should be talking about. Hummm! "Dont you think it's a good idea to stay in touch?" said Keith, the last time he called. It's a great idea dude! And I think it's a great time to call!

Palak reads each of these text messages again. And once more. And then one last time. Overwhelmed with nostalgia, he deletes each of them. Lights a cigarette and looks away. Thinks of Brett and Keith, his pillars of support. Of Ann, who was easily his best friend ever. Of Jenny, who meant the world to him then. And probably still does, after all that they'd been through! He shuts his eyes. His college days are running through his head, like a film reel in fast-forward mode. He had such awesome people for a cast. And his life didn't even need any direction! He opens his eyes.Stubs his cigarette and turns around. He finds his 3310 dying. And a virgin iPhone next to it, waiting to be unlocked. It's time to make few calls!

Geek and Latin

Mike: huummm
interesting status!
“Platonic Love”!
:)

Rob: :) yea..suddenly i felt this dire need to have one myself

Mike: aaahhh!
:)
loving thy room-mate?
:D

Rob: no man! single n straight, in every sense of the word

Mike: haha ha ha!

Rob: :D

Mike: juuust kiddin man!

Rob: hehe...ofcourse :D

Mike: well i was playing on "platonic relationship!!
i seem to have too many of those,

Rob: hehe...me too

Mike: but never heard for platonic love??
:)
is it like saying...
" i love her, but i'm not in love with her?"
:D
or "I love her, but she says we're just friends"

Rob: :D
this word love, one of the darkest words in english
..can really screw up things with the kind of meanings it can have
... comes a close second to fuck i guess

Mike: :P
no dude!!
I understand a fuck much better than i understand love...

Rob: hahahaha...

Mike: in any figure of speech!
:)
So i'll settle for a fuck any day!
:D
ROTFL

Rob: :D
but then it's really hard to find a fuck
for the sake of a fuck only...i'm yet to find one
that’s where love comes in handy :D

Mike: but then it's tougher to find true love than it is to find a true fuck!
:D

Rob: but a good fuck is tougher to fake than love

Mike: even if you love the idea of being in love!

Rob: yeaa

Mike: dude!!

Rob: hehe

Mike: haven't you heard this one
a woman can fake an orgasm to enjoy a relationship
a man can fake a relationship to enjoy an orgasm
:D

Rob: :D
that's what i said...
my fundas are right there in place :D
just that i suck at practicals

Mike: ha ha ha!
see, we gotta go beyond the books man!
:)

Rob: yea man...wish i cud "suck" better

Mike : oh man!
that one liner sucked!
:)

Rob: :D

Mike: see you are on it already!
you sure suck more than you fuck!
:)
ha ha ha ha!

Rob: ahahahahha
:D

Mike: all in jest man!
:)
This conversation was totally off the record

Rob: ROTFL,

Mike: speaking of which,
do you know how the phrase off the record was introduced?

Rob: no, temme.

Mike: in one interview
the president FDR
spoke to a journalist,
and said something which was to be in confidence
so he said

Rob: achcha

Mike: "this part of the interview is off the record"
ironically
that quote got published

Rob: ohhh :)

Mike: and we were introduced to the phrase
:)

Rob: :) thats cool...
ek reporting error and we get a new phrase
cool

Mike: lol!!
that's the world of american sensationalism to you...
:)
Anyway, this conversation never happened...

Rob: yea.. it’s a figment of pure imagination..

Mike: I just had this conversation with my schizophrenic "other" half!
:D

Rob: :D haha..that dark evil hypersexual side of you...

Mike: dude!!!
just imagine!!!

Rob: man, the world needs it :D or to say at least half the world needs it

Mike: if you were schizophrenic,
and your imaginary side was of the opposite sex?
:P

Rob: hahaha...

Mike: than the phrase "mental masturbation" would be tantamount to being in a relationship right?
:D

Rob: :D

Mike: ha ha ha ha!
man!

Rob: and in no time u ll be pregnant with great ideas

Mike: oh yes,
you'll get mind-fucked
:D
and fill the world with your brain children!

Rob: hahaha
and imagine...ur schizophrenic identities mutating into children
oh man! yea
haha

Mike: oh fuck!!
that's crazy man...

Rob:: hahaha

Mike: i wont know if my brain children have taken on "mom"
or "dad"
:)

Rob: haha
but then u wont even know who’s dad and who’s mom..and who’s the child for that matter
that ll be fun

Mike: oh fuck!!
already, we have an idea that's orphaned
:)

Rob: :D
hahaha
gosh...even a mental asylum wont take him in...that s sad

Mike: yea man...

Rob: I’m already feeling sad

Mike: he'll have an identity crisis
during admission

Rob: donno how she ll feel...she s more emotional u see

Mike: :D

Rob: :D

Mike: I wonder what the in-laws will say!!

Rob: my precious is whom I’m talking abt
in-laws are also in there too!!

Mike: shit man!! it's really getting crowded up there...

Rob: hahahaha

Mike: from "mind copulation" to "mind population"
:D

Rob: :D hahahaha

Mike: rotfl


Warning: If you’ve read this far, this warning is surely meant for you.

This is the story of a Schizophrenic gtalker. He’s a nondescript employee of an MNC, who has had no friends. And he’s done little to change that. He’s addicted to the internet and that is his only interface to the world that lies outside his body. Out of sheer boredom and loneliness, he created another gmail account for himself one day, and has been entertaining himself eversince.

Every word that you’ve read in this psychotic post is another precious second taken away from you. So what are you waiting for? Is there a moral here, in this immoral piece of filth. Shut down your PC, turn off the light and the fan before global warming beats you to it. Get out of your apartment. Go for a jog. Meet somebody (anybody if you too shy) of the opposite sex (Ok! same sex, to be politically correct). Go shopping. Go eat some sugar candy. Go help somebody cross the road. Go open the door for a senior citizen. Go stop a fight. Or get involved in one. Just prove to yourself that you do more than just exist. Just realize that you are more than just an infinitesimal fibre in the cog of a wheel called Mankind. In short, GET A LIFE! GO!!!

Before Sunrise

Y: tell me there is hope for ambition-less people like me.

X: what you talking abt??Y!!

Y: I feel all hope is not lost.
I didn’t mean that in an offensive manner :)

X: sweetheart! there was no offense taken!

Y: heh :)
that 'Y!!!' was almost like X giving me a earful for my nonsense
reminded me of the times when i have fucked up
n you have managed to set me straight

X: it's just that you relegated yourself to one with no ambitions...

Y: yeah..to be honest

X: I know that's not true

Y: what do you call someone who only wants to earn some money
so that she can buys books, camera lenses, travel, watch movies
there is nothing else..
i shoot film too. i must show you some pics when i scan them

X: what do you call a lady who does all the things you do?
highly date-able!
are you still single?

Y: hahaha

X: :D

Y: yes. i'm very much single.

X: awww...(blushes)

Y: do I look like I’ll have a body double? :P

X: oh man!
you just killed that spark of romance!!
Here's a love story that suffered a "pun"ishing end,
even before it began
:'(

Y: hehe
sorry sorry i was just being myself.
now ill get back...
on track

X: i worry abt you...
i do...

Y: heh. why do you worry about me X?

X: it's just that when you were arnd here...

Y: yeah...

X: i could walk down to your place from my match box
and I'm not able to do that now

Y: yeah...

X: especially when you say things like
"I have no ambitions in life"
Y!!

Y: but X, unfortunately that is the truth
now...like everytime i have to look for a job
they ask me to fill up these forms about
short term n long term career goals
and i never have answers
then i sit back n ponder and think what is it that i want
and i realise that i come up with the same answer everytime.
i just want to make some money not great money or anything..
i just want to be able to afford books, travel etc..an i dont think
i have any issues living paycheck to paycheck

X: mail me those forms,
I try my hand at fiction often enough
:)

Y:hehe! will do will do
:)

X: but baby, we all live paycheck to paycheck,
Doesn’t matter how much you earn,
You always wait for the next paycheck,
Each of us have our share of mortgages
:)

Y: yeah...but there's no other ambition..
i mean, like you knew you wanted to become a writer
i don't even have any ambition like that
any job will do.
just pay me so that i can pay the rent,
bills, buy books..yeah im ok

X: ok firstly, I’m a poor journo, not a noted columnist,
Nor have I written any bestseller

Y: hehe yes yes

X: and writing also just abt helps me get
thro the monthly expenses...
a couple of expensive dates,
and I look for a freelance assignment :)

Y: but aren't you passionate about it?
i mean..you like the creative field don't you? :)
i don't think i even know what i want to do... :(
actually i know. i don't know what i want..
so if i don't know what i want, how do i convince
companies about what i want to do in life

X: :)
“I love my job and i cannot think of anything better that
i could do with my life right now”...

Y: there! i'm soo happy for you. it's good to have that focus

X: that's what i said at all my interviews...
honestly i was not too sure abt it...

Y: :)

X: but I said it like i believed it
:)

Y: hehe

X: it's like this Y...
let's say you do wanna go out with this
girl, or guy to be politically correct
:)

Y: uhuh...
and
?

X: you may not really be sure about
what is it that draws you to them,
but then if you want to ask 'em out...
you got to say everything like
you believe it right??
your job is also like a relationship

Y: heh true

X: you'll never be sure about it...

Y: yeah...

X: but then you may fall in love with it eventually

Y: yeah it is a true

X: or you may choose to walk out of it if
something better comes your way...

Y: yeah...

X: but then there's that chance right?

Y: hmm..i see what you mean

X: of you falling madly in love with your job?

Y: yeah..

X: so is it not worth risking a couple of boring dates
for a rewarding relationship?
:)
man! I'm uploading this
on my blog right away...
:P
Of course, no names revealed!

Y: hahaha
link me...when you're done :)

X: once you grant me permission, of course!

Y: of course :D
consider it granted.
:)

many a mile separates them,
but that is what brings them closer - the distance,
They continue to live happily ever after...
well almost...with a few abberations... quite a few actually...
Each of them enjoy their share of glorious uncertainties,
but pray that the other is doing very well,
Every night or day,
with 12-hour time zones between them,
they continue to have blissful,
random conversations with each other,
Their Dangling Conversations.

..And then there were none!

Tributes:
To Bappa, a good friend and the best writer i've ever known.
To Agatha Christie, for the title and lots more...



Monday, February 21, 2001
Arrive on Saturday morning and found all arrangements in order. Settling in has been a tiresome business and so no diary entries for a last couple of days. Professor Jacob invited me over for lunch today, but I was too exhausted to go over. I reviewed my class schedule which begins on Wednesday. I must admit I’ve been fortunate to get to teach precisely the same subject I am doing my thesis on. Teaching undergraduate classes is always boring and more importantly, time-consuming for a doctorate student, especially since I am planning to finish off my thesis inside of four years. It’s a task of mammoth proportions, but I think my idea may revolutionise the entire treatment of schizophrenia. With a co-operative class, I should be able to take out enough time to work on it.



Wednesday, February 23, 2001
I took my first class today. The class I have been allotted does not seem to be all that exceptional, in fact rather mediocre if I may put it bluntly. But maybe, I am being too judgemental about them. They would probably be alright once I got to know them better. Also Professor Jacob dropped into my room today. He is a large man in his mid-forties, mild-mannered and extremely affable. His knowledge of the subject is profound. We discussed the outlines of my idea for a while. He was rather taken aback when I told him I planned to finish my thesis in less than four years. “By all means, do aim to meet that target. Although I must add that you should try and ensure that the shortened time frame does not affect the quality of your research.” He left shortly, waving off my profuse thanks for unbending enough to drop into his student’s room.



Wednesday, May 3, 2001
My work has come to a complete standstill or rather, it would be more correct to say that it had never begun in the first place. My class has, in the meantime, confirmed my worst fears. Dull, lacking motivation and only concerned with clearing their exams, they are a researcher’s worst nightmare. It is next to impossible to raise one’s intellectual state to the level required for my work after interacting with such a dead class. Professor Jacob was quite sympathetic to my plight in the beginning but has begun to grow increasingly impatient over the last two weeks. I do not blame him, I am losing patience with myself as well.



Tuesday, May 23, 2001
The inevitable has happened. Professor Jacob has formally expressed dissatisfaction with my lack of progress. He curtly informed me that unless I manage to get some solid work done soon, he is no longer willing to act as my advisor. This warning was not unexpected and I have been trying to get myself to get myself to put more time and effort into my thesis of late, but to no avail. Recalling my excitement when I arrived here three months ago, the only thing I can say is that I was terribly naïve. Its been only a matter of months and I am already wondering if I will ever be able to complete my thesis.



Tuesday, July 17, 2001
Only habit allows me to make an entry tonight. I am too weary, too low-spirited. I seem to be sinking deeper into a morass with every passing week. I have managed to come up with a synopsis of my projected line of research to satisfy my advisor, but little else. Looking back through my dairy, I found an entry in May saying that I wondered if I would ever be able to complete my thesis. Now I have stopped wondering, I am pretty sure I will never be able to finish my thesis…



Friday, August 1, 2001
I had an interesting experience today. I was killing time at the local café when I happened to meet this gentleman named Dr.Bhaskar. He is also on the faculty of the Department of Psychology although I have never met him before. This is not as surprising as it seems at first as there are more than sixty teachers in the department. But today the place was deserted except for the two of us and we just introduced ourselves. He empathized when I told him of my case and advised me not to lose heart. “You’ve just started out. Once you come up with a clearer picture of exactly you are trying to work on, your work will speed up vastly”, he told me.



Saturday, October 24,2001
I have been meeting Dr. Bhaskar regularly over the last two and a half months. Indeed he has become the closest to what I believe is a friend in this place. He is fifteen years older than I and of Spartan habits. Being a bachelor, he shares my loneliness and we are thrown together very often. He is highly qualified and teaches post-graduate classes. One of his classes, in particular, is supposed to be exceedingly brilliant. His frequent description of their calibre has aroused my envy. My work is proceeding somewhat better now though the pace at which it is proceeding leaves a lot to be desired. I owe it all to Dr. Bhaskar , whose company is so intellectually stimulating.



Sunday, December 28, 2001
At last, there seems to be light at the end of the long dark tunnel. A solution to my woes may be knocking at my door. Dr. Bhaskar has made a kind offer, which would allow me to teach his class for an indefinite period. He has been a patient listener to all my problems and feels my chief problem is the lack of an atmosphere condusive to research. He believes a few hours with his class would get me back on track. Needless to say, I took up his kind offer at once.



Wednesday, May 5, 2002
The last few months have gone by in a blur. I have been extremely busy teaching both an undergraduate and a post-graduate class. In addition to that, my own work has finally begun in right earnest. I claim no credit for this fact, the entire share goes to my wonderful new class who have motivated me as well as challenged me intellectually at a level where all my mental faculties were stimulated to their utmost. Some of the students in particular have been very interesting. There is Sourav who plans to go on and specialize in treatment of MPD, Nithin wants to go into academia and research full time and Deepa who, like yours truly, envisions a future in the treatment of schizophrenia. These three and their fellow students have easily taught me much more than I have taught them. In fact, I have started paying minimal attention to the undergraduate morons I am forced to teach.



To
Mr. Atul Basu 15th November, 2002
Research Scholar
Dept of Psychology

Dear Mr. Basu

Sub: Prolonged absence from classes

It has come to our notice that you have been absenting yourself from 2nd year BA class allotted to you. Your prolonged neglect of this class has caused their performance to fall dramatically as evidenced by their recent examination results.i would advice you to devote more time to teaching this class so that such an episode is not repeated anytime in the future.

Yours sincerely,
Prof. P.S.Reddy
Head of Dept (Psychology)



Sunday, November 17,2002
The letter was quite shocking to say the least. I know I have been devoting all my time and attention to the postgraduate class. Dr. Bhaskar did say that he would inform them of the change. I went to the departmental office to discuss the matter with them yesterday but the gentleman there took my protests with a pinch of salt, " Mr. Basu, we know that most PhD scholars neglect their teaching duties in order to take out more time to work on their thesis. Just make sure that this does not recur and let us end the matter there."



Monday, June 9, 2003
I have been taking a back-breaking workload for a few months now, which explains why I have not had an entry in the diary for ages. I have had perforce to teach those undergraduate idiots as well as my post-graduate class. The best news is that my research work continues to make excellent progress. I think I can fully implement the revolutionary ideas I came here with. The sad part is that my post-graduate class will pass out in a couple of months time. I will miss them dearly. I will forever be indebted to them.



Thursday, January 3, 2004
I just received news that the doctors I wrote to at NIMHANS have agreed to try out the treatment I have been working on for their serious cases of schizophrenia. Also my paper on the subject has appeared in the British Psychiatric Journal. Dr. Bhaskar and I went out and celebrated with champagne.

Deccan Herald
St.Johns PhD scholar pioneers breakthrough in schizophrenia treatment.
Bangalore, 5th November, 2004
Mr. Atul Basu, a PhD scholar at the St. John’s Medical College has reportedly developed a treatment for even the most acute cases of schizophrenia. His method has been successfully tested by doctors at NIMHANS, Bangalore…..



Tuesday, February 21, 2005
Today , four years after I made my first diary entry in this place, I stand on the verge of a momentous occasion. I will receive my PhD at the University Convocation this Saturday. The accolades I have garnered from my faculty members and students alike are overwhelming to say the least. I write this sitting in the main hall of the college. I wanted to invite Dr. Bhaskar to my convocation as a special guest when I realized did not even have his address or phone number. No matter! I’ll head to the office right away and collect it.



Tuesday, February 21, 2005 ....2 hours later
I do not understand what is happening. I went to the office and asked for Dr. Bhaskar’s number, only to receive a mystifying reply that there was no faculty member of that name in college. All my protestations to the effect that I had known the gentleman for four years were of no avail. As I came out of the office, my eyes fell on the board displayed near the main entrance.

Roll of Honour
Mr. Sourav Pal(1969)
….
….
Mr. Nithin Ram(1975)
….
….
Ms. Deepa Rajan(1982)

… Oh my god! What is happening here? All of them were my students and yet…. The Roll Of Honour…And where is Dr. Bhaskar … and my thesis…ON SCHIZOPHRENIA!! I HAVE DEVELOPED A TREATMENT FOR SCHIZOPHRENIA….ME … ON SCHIZOPHRENIA…HA! HA! HA!


Deccan Herald
Bangalore, February 25
……in the most bizarre of events witnessed at the convocation yesterday, a graduate walked up on stage to receive his degree – A PhD in Psychology- from the chief guest. Right there he tore it to pieces and threw it down. He then unearthed a cigarette lighter from his pocket and set the pieces on fire.