My Statement of Purpose.

I’ve written many of these. In fact I write one every day. They have been written on purpose and with purpose, and I’m guessing of purpose too. But most importantly, they are not any longer than one sentence. But then, I’ve had difficulty in writing a statement of purpose for my own admission into a world-class university in Arkansas. And it’s not only because that statement ought to have at least 673 words. It’s because I’m a simple, honest man, who finds it increasingly difficult to wax eloquent about my increasingly modest academic achievements. It’s almost like being a doctor, a perpetual back-bencher from his medical college days, who is asked to perform a vasectomy on his own being. But being brave of the mind, I venture to write my own statements of purpose. And here it is:

“Ignorance is bliss.” – Thomas Gray

There cannot be three other words that can describe me better. Let me put things in perspective. After having taken some 13,642 hours of study over 22 years of kindergarten, school, high school and undergraduate programmes, I still seem to know little of significance. But little it may be, significant it certainly is. Let me elucidate.

All through my school years, I was consistently placed at 45 in a class of 50. One year, I even went down to 47 out of 48(two students faced suspension that year). But with sheer hard work, I managed to rise to an all-time high of Rank 36 in grade 7. This experience of mine will surely hold me in good stead in your college, which is ranked 19 out of the 23 in the state of Arkansas. I’m sure my peers at college will appreciate and learn from my own struggles at education, which I’ll carry with me to Arkansas.

I’ve learnt that everything in life can be learnt on a need-to-know basis. And for everything else, there is Google, Microsoft Office and of course, my dad’s Mastercard. All my life, I’ve been a personification of this minimalist school of application. What it therefore leaves me with is a lot of time. Which only gave me an opportunity to hone another great skill of mine – learning by observation. I’ve observed that I’m mostly a liability in any activity that is remotely curricular or co-curricular, and I’ve therefore learned to look in the opposite direction whenever I encounter any activity of the sort. You may be rest assured that I will hardly do anything to jeopardize any research activity or other such academic processes that have been instituted at your great institution.

Participating in new challenges that go beyond the confines of a Google search or MS Office is an enlightening experience. The growth I've experienced intellectually and academically through the opportunities I've been given and accepted cannot be described in words. Being able to say that I've not only "learned" but "applied" is something that most students in my kind of disposition are not able to make. Not only was I the captain of our Dumb Charades team in college, I was also deeply engrossed in the skill of tuning guitar stings for all the rock bands in college. So much so that in my final year of college, I was even felicitated by the Music Club in recognition of my contributions to all the Battle of the Bands competitions during my years in college.

Having identified, and then acquired all these unique skills, I was ready to take it to the next level. I assumed the responsibility of becoming the manager of a rock band in college. At that stage, in addition to my responsibilities in maintaining guitars, I also added the skills drum kit maintenance and audio check to my repertoire. The fact that the band could focus on all other PR activities, like attending dorm parties and sleeping during college hours while I was managing the responsibilities of helping them fulfill their academic requirements (running around for attendance, maintaining Lab sheets, submitting assignments and projects etc.) is a testimony to my managerial skills. Now, I look forward to become a liaison officer for promising rock bands at Arkansas.

I believe I would be a good candidate for many more reasons. I have a deep appreciation for the opportunities given to me, and put my best foot forward with every step. I plan to be employed at one of the Fortune 500 companies like McDonald’s or Walmart, which employ students like me, while I continue my lifelong pursuit of knowledge at your great institution. I've been working for the past 5 years, and have reached that stage in my life when I think can afford to enjoy a healthy work-life balance. And that is precisely the reason I feel the skills I've demonstrated and developed can still be improved further. And it goes without saying your college gives me that wonderful opportunity of achieving all my aforementioned ambitions.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1

Statistics prove that the movie watching populace today is clearly divided into two parts. Those who know the difference between petrify and stupefy (may their numbers grow), and those who think these are no more than two words from Webster’s Dictionary. And the latter is an aging race that diminishes in number every time someone turns a page.

For the 11 of you who read this blog, and the 61 of you who haven’t read a single book of Harry Potter (and who, almost certainly, don’t read this blog), the seventh installment of this top-grossing movie franchise might be the safest place to begin the journey. Only because, Deathly Hallows part 1 is completely devoid of anything out of a textbook on magical creatures. Well, almost. Also, there are absolutely no boring potion classes to attend. No new spells to learn. No pretty seniors to ‘charm’. No accidents on the Quidditch field. No points to be won for Griffindor house. No Hogwarts rules to be broken. For Potterheads, it’s almost tantamount to being expelled during the Happy Hours at the Three Broomsticks. This is undoubtedly the most non-magical movie about the wizarding world.

Simply put, it’s a story of three young wizards, Harry, Ron and Hermione, who are absconding from the wizarding world in search of something called hocruxes. That it happens to be a bone of contention for Lord Voldemort (very much like Darth Vader from our times) is inferred when his minions called ‘Death Eaters’ (the dark forces) wreck havoc while chasing the three friends. And just as you figure out what the title actually alludes to, you realise that you’ve just watched the longest movie trailer ever, clocking at 150 minutes. Confused? Surely. The movie really wasn't made for you anyway.

But then, as your young friends will tell you, you need a lot more than just a wand or some spell to create some magic. And this movie is visual proof of what Dumbledore meant when he said something in the tune of ‘Love and friendship can encompass everything. Even that which your wand can’t’. (Well, something of the sort. Only read the books once, you know. But you get the drift, don't you?)

While DH part 1 may seem very distant from the magical realms of Hogwarts, it is the one movie that is most loyal to its protagonists. For once, we know more about Harry, Ron and Hermione without ever getting distracted by their academic or trivial pursuits. Here are three friends, who have been driven out of their cocoon of adult supervision, and are racing against time to survive several onslaughts from the dark forces of Lord Voldemort. And the only thing working for them, when even their own wands fail, is each other’s company. But then, it is under such immense pressure that the strongest bonds are forged. Here's where the world of wizards comes closest to reality.

The utter frustration of the characters under overwhelming odds considerably slows down the pace of the movie. At times, you feel as impatient as the characters themselves. At times, you feel a sense of nostalgia, thinking of the good old days at Hogwarts. At times, you are left wondering if it’s a children’s movie any more. The harsh reality dawns upon the characters and the audience alike, that childhood was a thing of the past. And life will only continue to be unfair. So much so that a few lighter moments that emerge out of long dark hours seem no more than a fleeting respite. A Waltz between Harry and Hermione when they are on the verge of giving up is one such poignant moment.

There are two other sequences that will remain etched in the memory for some time. Firstly, there’s Hermione who reluctantly erases herself from her parents’ life, thus keeping them out of harm’s way. And then there is an animated narrative of the legend of the Deathly Hallows. These were the best sequences in this movie.

However, for all its brilliance, DH part 1 does offer an unbiased critic a lot of scope for nitpicking. The effect of wearing a hocrux surely reminds you of Frodo Baggins. Lord Voldemort certainly doesn’t seem half as scary as he’s made out to be. And then, as is the case with most movies that are based on books, DH part 1 proves to be the proverbial mini-skirt, concealing a whole lot more than what it reveals. But among book-based movies, I’d rank DH part 1 alongside Godfather 2, in that it lays greater emphasis on the characters of the story, as opposed to the main plot. That was one aspect of the movie I found most fascinating.

Of course, we do realise that a critique for any movie from this franchise is a futile exercise. If you do watch this in a theatre, just pay attention to the disappointment of the 10-year old who is a complete authority on all magical creatures Harry has encountered so far, or the ecstatic 12-year old who has all the magical spells by heart, and is completely armed to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts, come July 2011. That to me is the best critical analysis Deathly Hallows part one can get.

Thank you for the music.

Music expresses that which can not be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. Nobody described music better than Victor Hugo. And since I cannot write anything as profound to describe any of the albums below, I'll keep it down to one sentence each. The rules of this Facebook Tag are 15 minutes (no more) to name your 15 favourite albums. Here goes:

The Beatles – Abbey Road

Their last album, which begins with Come Together. How apt.

Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon

Cannot listen to just one track from this album and leave the rest.

Led Zeppelin IV

Clearly helped the band to be a rock, and not roll.

Pearl Jam – Ten

Have had the discography on me for half a decade, but I've never gone beyond their first album

Prodigy – Fat of the Land

90s, during my teen years, I had to love a band that came up with Smack my bitch up, even though I didn’t know what that really meant.

Kasabian – Kasabian

In an age when MTV plays anything but music, this album is the most definitive IV shot in music’s arm.

Massive Attack – Mezzanine

The first time I heard it in ‘07, I took the plunge, and I’m still immersed in it.

Bob Dylan 30th anniversary concert

When Tracy Chapman pays tribute to Dylan’s village folk days, and Johnny Cash and June Carter relate his Country leanings, while Clapton covers his experiments with Blues, you Don’t Think Twice.

AC/DC - Back in Black

When one of the loudest albums of all time features a number called Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution, you have to admire this 'metal' band and their attempt at irony.

Metallica – Black

Many critics have blasted this album saying it was meant for losers. Boy, am I glad I was one.

U2 – Joshua Tree

If there’s one album that defines what really drove the band, it’s this one. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…

RATM – Battle of Los Angeles

When you want to flash your digitus impudicus to the world, this is the album you play.

Nirvana – Never Mind

Funnily, my introduction to rock music was Come as you are. And here I am.

Simon & Garfunkel – Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme

But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me. Need I say more?

Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge Over Troubled Water

When you're down and out, When you're on the street, When evening falls so hard, I will comfort you
This album still has that kind of an effect on me.

15 literary influences in 15 minutes

No seriously. 15 minutes. Another minute of deliberations, and the list would have changed. So here goes:


1. Merchant of Venice - It took me 3 reads to start appreciating this one. And another 3 to be able to say 'To bait fish withal: if it feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge.... The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction' from memory. And 3 more before my ICSE boards. But if it was not for this one, I may never have been able to appreciate the rest of this list. So numero uno it is, Mr. Bill.

2. Dennis the Menace - 'You can fool some people all the time, and all the people sometime. But you can never fool mom'. Life lessons learnt from pencil boxes, posters and newspaper cuttings. Damn, where did all that go?

3. Asterix - History books were never the same after reading this series.

4. Short stories by O' Henry - Wit. Wordplay. Warmth. And clever twists in the end. Damn, he'd be one hell of a copywriter.

5. Short Stories by Somerset Maugham - This man can inspire you to write. Period.

6. Short Stories by Saki - He taught the rules of English by day. And tried to rewrite those very rules at night. Uber cool!

7. Calvin & Hobbes - “We're so busy watching out for what's just ahead of us that we don't take time to enjoy where we are.” Yes, it took a 6-year old to teach me that one. What a philosopher, I say.

8. Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger - Everytime I fuck up, I think of Holden Caulfield. And then I realise that things could have been worse.

9. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - Forget James Bond. If there really is a personification of 'GQ man', than that honour should go to one Mr. Atticus Finch.

10. Fountainhead by Ayn Rand - It's an absolute must-read if you are in college and trying to hit on women with literary leanings. Quoting it always follows countless hours of conversations over coffee. ;)
PS: Whether you agree with the woman (the one you are hitting on, not Ayn Rand) or not, you better have an opinion of your own before attempting a pseudo-intellectual heist. Cheers!

11. The Trial by Franz Kafka - An awesome satire on the judicial system. Really makes you feel impotent. Not for the weak of heart and mind.

12. Vernon God Little by DBC Pierre - If you are the kinds who has bottled up anger for many years, than take a deep breath, try and channelise it into wicked bursts of sarcasm and other unprintable variants. And hell, win the GODDAMN BOOKER as a consolation for anger management!

13. Animal Farm by George Orwell - This one inspired me to write a street play. And I must say, it was a one-hit wonder. At least as far as lit events at colleges in the proximity of South Canara go. :P

14. Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne, and Around the World in 80 Days by Michael Palin - It took the first book to inspire me to make a holiday list, and the second one to believe it was possible. I'd give myself 80 years for this adventure, though.

15. Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol - One Reverand Dodgeson starts taking a trip of one bored 10-year old Alice Liddle, on a boatride. And the rest, they say, is hysterical. This book drove the literary world crazy with one question, "What was Lewis Carrol smoking?". Once revealed, with conclusive evidence, the stimulant in question ought to be legalised.

Writings on the Wall

Yes, Facebook can be fun. And since we never have the pleasure of enjoying comments on the blog, we thought of writing an entry out of comments from FB. Here's introducing the participants from what started as a FB Kavvi Sammelan and eventually turned into a hip-hop free-for-all.

Me: Writing a status message is but a pastime,
But now I struggle to get them to rhyme,
To get over writer's block,
As prescribed by the doc,
And get back to my writing prime.

Priyanka: The try was worth a watch i say
But puns i love i would daresay
Till the time u have more puns to spare
Ill hide my happy comments somewhere!

Me: Hide your comments, for what joy?
When they are so awesome, oh boy!!
Writing a pun,
May be fun,
But this is what I'm starting to enjoy! :)

Navin: Writing a rhyme
Is a bit like consuming a bit of thyme
Cathartic and therapeautic,
As opposed to getting high on an unknown narcotic,
Go on, make Ogden swell with joy,
...Keep the rhymes apolitical, unlike Ms. Roy !

Me: You are one quizzing freak,
It even shows in your poetic streak,
Why wake up poor ol' Nash,
for this rhyming mishmash?
...So lets not invite miss roy,
and keep it simpler, my boy!

Navin: Good ol' Nash wouldnt mind being pestered
Esp. when we unleash poetic prowess so unfettered,
Yeah, we are all scared of Ms. Roy,
After all sedition is no boy's toy,
This rhyme is a little simpler I hope,
...With verbal diarrhoea, daily I cope :)

Me: Is this rhyme much simpler, I'm not so sure,
Your references still demand a guided tour,
Not for me an Ogden, or miss Roy,
not even a Bradman, or Van Nistleroy,
I like natural references, like the wind, the sun, or even hay,
...Because they create an image in your mind, what say?

KD: when in trouble to make me sound,
dont let the worries let your world go round,
just get some xxx and then watch some,
and soon enough the poetry will cum!!!!

Me: And here come KD, with always a lot to say,
but never for conventions, he always has his way,
He sure has his references, just as his thoughts go,
But boy, he has talent, when it comes to innuendo.

Navin: This rhyme's taking new turn, me thinkee,
KD's turned it up a notch with da kinkee,
Yo, dis house is rockin'
50 cent's soul just possessed me, not jokin',
Yo Sudhir bro, you made dis shit viral,
...Who's gonna go next, Admiral??

Me: This looks like the job of KD,
with Priyanka, the only lady,
with Navin, our quizzing freak,
and this dawg, it's quite a clique.

The world according to Google

Here's my version of the dictionary, which one Mr. Rich was referring to in the New Yorker.

Yahoo: It's a reality check, especially when you take gmail for granted.

Ask: Seriously? Do you even need to?

Wikipedia: It's what googlers(employees and fans alike) fill up when they feel charitable.

Cricinfo: Is what Indians read, when they're not on Google.

Internet: err...google? Spot the difference.

www: Should be followed by google.com

Microsoft: The world's biggest jokebook.

iPhone: That's youtube and gmail in your pocket.

Facebook: Nice interface, to discuss your favourite youtube video, or your blogger post.

Money: Is what we'll gladly share with you. Read terms & conditions for Google AdSense

Bing: Yea, right!

Monopoly: It's what you are accused of, if you are the only entity doing something right.

Information: A word that will soon be replaced by Google in all dictionaries.

Charity: Refer to Wikipedia.

Environment: Is what will be saved if you stop reading all the crap that is published, and read everything from google instead.

Privacy: Is about the only thing you'll get if you ignore google.

Chill: Is what you should try doing if you don't like what you are reading(which BTW is on blogger)

Victim: You are. We are. Who isn't? Welcome to the machine(Which is a nice song by Pink Floyd. Don't forget to youtube it, and google the lyrics).

God: A manifestation of everything google cant give you. Privacy included.

Rajnikant: A superset of God. And google.

Dilli Boor Asth

There used to be a time in life when I didn't know what I was up to. Things haven't changed very radically since then, besides giving me many more things to laugh about. So let me take you back safely to the beginning... of this piece.

I didn't know where my life was headed till advertising happened. And boy, did I feel at home once I got there. Not because it was full of almost-writers and almost-artists. Not even because there were some almost-film makers or almost-musicians. And certainly not because I was enamoured by a Don Draperesque work-life balance which involved having Martini lunches with clients, and doing hot secretaries in the office cabin.(The truth being, we neither have secretaries nor cabins. Hell, we don't even have lunch at the worst of times.) It was only because it was full of people who almost got there by chance, owing to having no inkling of where they were headed before they got there.

You may have already realised that I still have no sense of direction. And since there has never been a 'no looking back' situation in my life, I'll take you back to my first foot in the door. An Agency in Delhi found me a worthy candidate, or at least they said as much. Thinking of it as my first launchpad, I flew! That too, after promising to repay a borrowed sum once I got my first 'copywriter's paycheck'(kindly note that neither the lender nor the borrower caught that oxymoron). And what an eye opener that was. Err... I'm still talking about Delhi here.

Greeting me at the Airport was a queue at the prepaid Taxi stand. After asking my friend for his whereabouts, I hop onto a taxi. 'CR Park' I say with childlike excitement. 'Aji Kyun Nahi?' he says, in his Punjabi-Hindi, like that's were all of Delhi resides. After the taxi gets on to the main road, and I stick my head out like any country goon would at the sights of the city, 'Toh ji, kahan jana hai aapko?', he asks. Now here's where I felt I'd be taken for a ride.

'CR Park. Ek hi toh hai.' I tell him, defiantly. 'Bolne ka matlab hai, ki kahan sey jana padta hai?' Interesting!! I should have guessed. CR Park is probably not such a great landmark, after all. My good friend, the blue-eyed boy of a boisterous Bangla background, could have possibly given in to a patronising notion of CR Park being the capital of India. After all, he does polish off a plate of Macher Jhol before I can even break it down into coherent syllables. Surely he should deal with this driver. And introduce them I did, over phone. After speaking to the driver and explaining all that he possibly could, my friend tells me,"Ah! Don't worry. He's just playing mental games with you. Be firm. Be brave. And you have nothing to worry about."

If this was meant to be an assurance, it sure made me feel like I was on my way to spend a honeymoon in Siachen. 'Toh sir, hum ab Ring Road se chale?', 'CR Park wahi se jana hota hai na?', 'Ring Road se jana theek hoga?', 'Hauz Khas se Aage jana hai?', 'GK sey right lein?'. The migraine just got heavier with every question. On sensing this, the goon muttered, 'Kahan jana hai, pata bhi nahi hai. Bas, taxi mein chad jaate hain.'. That did it. Mental disintegration like I'd never experienced before. 'Kya bole aap?', I ask, not even awaiting an answer. ' Bolne ka....' he stuttered. 'Bolne ka kya matlab hai aapka', I beat him to it. 'Sir, aap to burah maan gaye?'.

'Toh aap samajte nahi ki mujhe CR Park pe utarna hai?', I try and put an end to his bluff. ' Aur aap kaisey bhi chalo, meine toh Rs. 200 dey di hai. Ab ussey aap mujhe Dilli ghumana chahte hain, to theek hai. Bas aur koi savaal naa karen.' Ah, that just had to be the Kayo. Try and better that, bugger! 'Lekin mein to yahi puchna chahta tha ki CR Park mein kahan niklengey aap.' Hell, these guys know how to make you feel like an idiot. And there's no reasoning with them. ' CR Park mein Police Station toh hoga?'I ask him, bordering on intimidation. 'Vahin se directions puchenge.'

Having had enough of this fellow, I decide to get off at the police station. There is only so much idiocy that I could take from one man. And as it turns out, he did have the last laugh anyway. He'd promised to drop me at CR Park, but only took me as close as two miles away from the final destination. I'm tempted to think this is but a metaphor for the ways of Delhi, to the uninitiated. After all, one Mr. Suresh Kalmadi promised to take the entire Commonwealth to the 'Best Games' ever. But after making so much of noise all through the decade long ride, we know a day before the event that what he presents tomorrow will be very far from what he'd first promised.