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Saturday, June 28, 2008

Animal Instincts



Animal Instincts is a humorous take on slang. The animals featured in this comic strip indulge in all kinds of colloquial word-play that they themselves identify with. However, no animals were hurt during the creation of this comic strip. Take a trip to your wild side!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Waking Strife


10 PM, Monday

Today is the time for self-change. I’ll hit the sack right away. Set the alarm for 5 AM. Tomorrow is another day. And here comes another man, me. No more late nights. No more 15 minute deadlines for shower, shave and catching the 8:15 train. No more missing the 8:15 train. Tuesday morning, a new chapter in my autobiography, will be titled “The Awakening”. Ha!

10:15 PM, Monday
Humm, it’s just a matter of time before I fall asleep. Ok, so what do I title my autobiography? Humm… “Deja Boo: Have you had this nightmare before?” Tch tch! Think positive! Ok… “ When I sleep 8 hours on the trot, there is usually a great awakening”? Why am I still thinking of sleep? Hai Hai! Humm…what if I write a book without a name? I wonder if that’s been done before. I write the autobiography about a loser! Since everybody feels like a loser at some point of time in their lives, they’ll surely relate to it. < A triumphant smile> ahh… and the title is left to the reader’s imagination. Why limit the subject with a title, I say! Yea Baby! It’s a smash hit. An absolute bestseller! Ha! I can sleep for the rest of my life with the money I make from it!

10:45 PM, Monday
Ho humm! It’s been 45 minutes already. I know what’ll put me to sleep. My dream job! Let’s direct the last of the Harry potter series. Let us change the cast a bit! How about giving Salman Khan a role? As one of the wizards? Yea I know what’ll work. The only magic spell he’ll pull off successfully on screen is a vanishing act! Ha! Let’s add Katrina too. Oh yea! She’ll make a “ghost” appearance! Ha! Wow! This is turning out to be quite a blockbuster! What about Bachchan senior ? He can do any role in his sleep…oh ! sleep…yawn…

11:58 PM, Monday
Yawn! I’m still awake…so much for awakening! I wonder who said “ If you have a dream to realize, stop sleeping” What a moron! I’d really want to ask him something. These days, even in my dreams, I’m trying to fall asleep. So now how do I realize this dream of mine?? Huh?? What?? No reply? Sleeping or what? Yawn!

12:43 AM, Tuesday
Oh god! There’s no way I’ll wake up at 5 in the morning. I’ll set an alarm for 7. That’ll still give me an hour. Ok let me go thro my To-do list tomorrow. Joggers Park! Forget it! Shave, That’ll take 5 mins. Shower, 5mins. Ok, let’s go have a Shower now…Capital idea my hearty! Har har!

1:03 AM, Tuesday
Yawn! Humm, I love the feeling of a fresh towel! Talc after a shower! A fresh set of pyjamas! New Bed sheets and pillow covers! Perfect! Bliss! Yawn!

2:09 AM, Tuesday
Yawn! Now what do I do? Lets go thro my to-do list again…A copy for Valley View Health Resorts! Humm… ok 30 miles from the city…ok…I could do with a weekend there! Humm…30 miles to go before I sleep! AH! THAT’S IT! Even Robert Frost would’ve taken a break from poetry at Valley View! Wonderful! We all need a vacation don’t we? Brilliant! Now let’s think of a visual…something really enticing! Humm… yawn! Something very striking!...humm… yawn….hummm something…hummm…on the lines of…hummmmm…ok, let me ..yawn..sleep over this one…

2:42 AM, Tuesday
< heaves a sigh> ok now lets try Sweet Dreams…humm…Ok, I’ll ask Ekta out tomorrow…for coffee! Yea, that should be good! < thrilled> I’m finally gonna pop the question! < blushes> …no wait, she’s been having a fight with the < gestures the air quotes > loowe of her life < < closing air quotes >…How did I forget him…!#@!$$%# … Are there any single women left?? Man, I’m in the wrong country! Yea, for centuries, we’ve killed infants till a boy pops out…criminals…illiterate hooligans…ppl who practice foeticide should be castrated…but what’s the connection…man! Why I ruin my sleep over these ills of society…lets dream of Ekta…hummm…man! Even in my dreams I’m being a nice guy…humm….even in my dreams I’m an intellectual whore…humm…an coolie who offers to carry her emotional baggage…humm….when all at once that moron turns up and shatters my miserable dreams…hummmm….Even in my dreams….hummm…I don’t get to sleep with her….yawn…. ok let me count the number of times this has happened…this’ll put me to sleep….yawn!...

3:36 AM, Tuesday
Yawn!...what’s up dude!! Cant you @!$#$#$ sleep…hummm…need a “crash” course huh? …yawn…ok lets watch a movie… How about “Insomnia”? … What if I fall asleep while watching the movie…hummm…what an irony… … Ok if I ever go on to direct the longest movie ever, probably with a duration of 6 hours or so , I’ll call it “A Cure For Insomnia”…hummmm…..

4:29 AM, Tuesday
Yawn!... I’ll do this…I’ll type all these thoughts of mine and upload it on my blog…hummm…probably reading it will help me fall asleep tomorrow night…err…I mean tonight…whatever…yawn….Even if it doesn’t help me…it’ll help the few people to muster up enough courage to read it…yawn…good karma you know!...yawn….

7: 02 AM, Tuesday
(Alarm rings)…(opens one eye)…(eyes shut again)…(snooze alarm rings)…(turns it off)…(Snooze alarm rings)…(Changes settings)…(sets up new alarm)…

7:51 AM, Tuesday
(Snooze alarm rings)…(Jumps out of bed, alarmed!)…GODDAMMIT! ONLY 20 MINUTES MORE!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Departed



Movie directors are like cooks. Each have their favourite ingredients. There are those who take their time to make their first decent dal tadka, after which they master it to perfection and serve it every time a guest desires a hearty meal. There are those who start off with a splendid serving of paneer butter masala, subsequent servings of which leave a poor taste. So they are forced out of their comfort zones. Only a few possess the motivation to master a seven-course meal, even it requires them to lose some of their best years and several customers during the endeavour. However, for everything else they stand to lose, what they never forget are the ingredients that have worked over the years. Martin Scorsese is one such director and “The Departed”, his last offering was the proverbial seven-course meal that took 24 years in the making.

Watching “The Departed” is like nostalgia trip for any Scorsese fan. The celebrated director picked up a script that had worked earlier, a 2002 Hong Kong crime flick “Infernal Affairs”. He studied the plot like a research scholar, found many areas that could do with some sprucing up, recalled all of his favourite recipes and carefully chose all his ingredients. He conjured up a few newer concoctions with the flair of a druid and laughed his way to his first oscar. It’s pretty interesting studying this directorial odessey which has assumed Homersque proportions in the Hollywood Pantheon.

Like many of Scorsese’s movies, this one has an element of identity crisis among the protagonists. Like in Mean Streets, the protagonists have inherited the life of crime from their respective families. More often than not, they seem ill-equipped to live a life of lies and deceit, but then they go through the motions more as an obligation to their employers. However, unlike in Mean Streets, the lead characters serve the two ends of the spectrum. Instead of a kid who dreamed of growing up to be a mobster, we have two kids who grow up as imposters: One becomes a cop who goes undercover as a gangster, and the other becomes a gangster who goes undercover as a cop.

The movie has its share of organized crime scenes in the grocery, which could have been from Goodfellas. However the characters have come of age vis-à-vis the early 90’s counterparts, well-versed with the nuances of technology used in computers and mobile phones. And these devices have been deftly incorporated in the plot, adding to the chaos that comes with being a trader in loyalties between the cops and the mob. The traps and betrayals are well summarized in this one scene where a character says to one of the moles, “I gave you the wrong address. But you went to the right one.”

Another of Scorsese’s trademarks is to get the best out of a high profile cast, be it Goodfellas, Gangs of New York or even The Colour of Money. Marty pulls it off again in “The Departed” with consummate ease. In Matt Damon and Leo DiCaprio as the two moles, the prospect of a Jason Bourne-Frank Abignale dogfight is highly anticipated and it lives up to your expectations. Both actors convey this agonizing inner conflict so that we can sense and feel it, but not see it. Jack Nicholson plays his meanest self since Joker in Batman. He commits obscene acts and speaks in cynical taunts, but his poise doesn’t waver till the very end. . His is a character that is slowly losing his mind much like Travis in Taxidriver, and while he is a goofy old man when he wants to be, he is also very, very menacing. His virtuoso swearing with more than liberal doses of philosophy can at best be described as – eloquence in profanity.

Scene at restaurant:
Costigan( Leo DiCaprio): Frank, how many of these guys have been with you long enough to be disgruntled, huh? Think about it. You don't pay much, you know. It's almost a fuckin' feudal enterprise. The question is, and this is the only question, who thinks that they can do what you do better than you?
Costello(Jack Nicholson): The only one that can do what I do is me. Lot of people had to die for me to be me. You wanna be me?
Costigan: I probably could be you, yeah. Yeah, I know that much. But I don't wanna be you, Frank. I don't wanna be you
Costello: Heavy lies the crown... sort of thing.

Scene at his pub:
Costello: Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar?
[the man looks startled]
Costello: [laughs] Only kidding. How's your mother?
Man in Costello's Bar: Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out.
Costello: [walks away] We all are. Act accordingly.

There definitely has to be a mention of Martin Sheen, Mark Wahlberg and Ray Winstone who had their share of memorable scenes.

Also there’s the background score, with Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones & Allman Brothers band among others, very reminiscent of Mean Streets again.

And most importantly there is a moral, which eventually emerges out after a very circuitous path throughout the movie. One cannot overlook his conscience while living one big lie. Gradually, your conscience does grip your neck and wrestles you into submission. Irrespective of your motives, you could be a cop or a criminal, when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?

This movie cannot be missed for the world, but then would you take the word of a die-hard Scorsese fan?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Fast Forward: You know you are in 2008 when ...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they are not on your orkut account.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
9. You pout because nobody leaves a comment on your blog.
10. You give up on mankind because nobody reads your blog.
11. You close your blogger account and hope somebody sends you a hug on facebook.
12. Your favourite pastime is reading people's Status Message on Gtalk.
13. Your favourite conversation topic is the funniest Status message you'd read during the day.
14. You are still to watch all the movies on your system and your 250 GB hard drive because you've been busy hunting for new torrents.
15. You look for a net centre only to check out the latest notifications on facebook.
16. YOu do not have the patience to watch a cricket ODI on TV but while at work you refresh cricinfo.com page after every single delivery of a test match.
17. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.
18. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
19. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
20. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
21. You are too busy to notice there was no #21 on this list.
22. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't #21 on this list
23. You desperately want to post this somewhere, on a blog or a tweet perhaps!!

PS: thanks kida, this is quite an eye opener ;)

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

What IPL can do without in 2009


1. So what was it about Rajastan that intimidated their opponents? Shane Warne's captaincy? Sohail Tanveer's bowling action? Yusuf Pathan's belligerence? Shane Watson's sixes, which were smacked with arrogance? Warne's womanizing skills? While all of the above may have contributed to the Royale finish of the IPL, what surely gave our icons from the other teams a nightmare was Ila Arun's war-cry for her "mera walla pink" city franchise. The catchiest tune brought fear in the minds of the opposition, who continued to drop matches against Rajastan the way Indian fielders were reputed to drop catches.May be we should let the cricketers' skills do the talking, you know. "Balla" Bol!

2. 59 matches are way to many and at the end of the tournament, the ones who showed maximum fatigue were the commentators. Arun Lal never stopped talking about "Momentum" like it was the latest fad in the world of cricket, while Fernando advertised the "Key to the Sri Lankan Success" with loyalty, every time a lankan roared or even purred. This would have been a fantastic platform for Siddhu, if it was not for the fateful day when the sardonic sardar spelt his "luck" with an F.

3. Articles about "Cheerleaders". Well, I'm hoping the mere mention of them in this piece will earn me some hits.

4. Product Placement Overdose(PPO). I mean "That is a DLF maximum six!", " This is surely a Citi moment of success!". What happened to the good old figures of speech , gentlemen? " Magnificent Shot! Absolutely Majestic! That'll clear the side-screen! Wonderful, wonderful shot!" Now even this, repeated a million times will do. Lets not relive the Pepsi Huddle experience! It could get worse,Itch guard "lets start from scratch" contest or Sreeshant dancing to " Hit me baby, one more time" with a pepsi.

5. Focus on the owners of the franchise rather than the cricket their teams play. Thanks to SRK,Preity, Ambani, Katrina, Akshay Kumar and the likes, fans were denied some precious action replay of some flashbulb moments( or "citi moments of success" if you insist)!Dont we get enough of dope on these eminent personalities even otherwise? I mean, isn't a copy of Deccan Chronicle enough?

To be continued...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

IPL: Indian Phoren League

Today, we'll the witness the successful completion of half the matches of the first edition of IPL. While the presence of the international stars definitely boosted ticket sales and the controversies, both on and off the field have left media houses licking their lips, I thought it's a good time to review the impact that IPL and the teams have on cricket and Indian Cricket in particular. Let us review the teams in the ascending order of their positions as of today.



At the bottom of the table is Bangalore Royal Challengers. Mallaya's team suffered the most disastrous start to their campaign. Losing to the Knight Riders in the most humiliating manner ruined the efforts of the Liquor Baron to host a spectacular opening ceremony at home. Many of Bangalore's superstars are yet to justify their prices. Nathan Bracken's timely injury put to rest an hopes of his participation. Only Praveen Kumar and Zaheer Khan and to some extent Mark Boucher have justified their places. The future will see some pressure on Dravid, Kallis, Misbah and Styen. With the sacking of CEO Charu Sharma, reasons(cricketing or otherwise) notwithstanding, Mallaya has tactfully made it clear he means business and will employ any any means to bolster the teams performance. We might see the franchise trying to acquire Bangalore-dude Robin Uthappa for the next season. Don't rule out any franchise acquiring players from ICL. Stuart Binny wouldn't be a bad investment.Trust the "king of good times" to "force" a bottom's-up.




At the start of the tournament, I was certainly very patronizing of the Hyderabad team, but half way into the tournament, the Deccan Chargers have flattered to deceive. A description of the Hyderabad line-up would definitely help a Grammar teacher in school impress upon her class, the concept of adjectives. And also that of irony. How can a team comprising Aussies Superstars Symonds & Gilchrist, electric Gibbs, mercurial Afridi, the ever consistent Vaas & Styris, and India's T20 heroes RP Singh & Rohit Sharma fail to even create a ripple in the IPL ocean? The problem undoubtedly has been at the top. While Laxman was selfless enough to trade his icon status for a stronger team, he's not been able to influence the big names in any way to shape his team into a cohesive unit. There was a remarkable performance from the chargers in the only game that Gilchrist led. The future will see Gilchrist leading this team, probably the next season. Also we might have a situation of the Chargers being forced to elevate Rohit Sharma to an icon status to parry off prospective buyers like Mumbai Indians. However the one postive discovery from Chargers is Pragyan Ojha. The left-arm spinner will surely replace Murli Karthik in India's Test Squad someday. Do we see one Mr. Ambati Rayudu sulking in his ICL Hyderabad Heroes dressing room?



Kolkata started it's campaign like a dream. It's reality check subsequently, suffered an awkward bounce, much like the eden gardens wicket. What'll bother SRK is the fact a "hero" is yet to emerge from the shadows of Brendon Mccullum, while SRK's still busy trying to organize a "Villans Ka Milan". The Nokia campaign probably sums up the state of affairs in the Knight Riders' camp. There is an obvious lack of team spirit and the latest addition to KKR, Mr. Shohaib Akhtar, is as much an ambassador of team spirit as Karan Johar( one KKR patron) is to Victoria's Secret. The coming days will see SRK giving a live performance of his prize winning role of Chuk De India in the KKR dressing room. A screening of the movie in KKR dressing room will certainly be on Mr. John Buchanan's list of coaching mantra's if it shows results. Unlike Bangalore, Kolkata can still boast of great number of positives. Besides Brendon's Blinder in Bangalore, Ishant Sharma's miserly spells have done no harm to his reputation, Agarkar continues to take wickets at his erratic best and the addition of Pakistan's Gul and Akhtar gives Kolkata the winning look on paper, but the biggest impact that KKR will have on Indian Cricket is the development of local boys Wriddhiman Saha, Laxmiratan Shukla, Debabrata Das and A B Dinda into competitive cricketers. We cant help but feel the lure of ICL drove Rohan Gavaskar away from an opportunity of a lifetime.



After 4 succesive debacles, the Mumbai Indians under Shaun Pollock have epitomised the resilience that Indians(of India and not only Mumbai. well, One cannot ignore the irony here.Mukesh Ambani can literally claim complete ownership of "Indians", thanks to IPL! ) have come to associate with the name, Ambani. With Sachin still to make his IPL debut, Mukesh Ambani will take a lot of heart from the team's performance. Fans can expect a lot of investment coming the Indians' way and may be an IPO in the BSE a few years later. It takes an astute businessmen like the Ambanis to ask BCCI to mind their own business, or to shrug off a bad investment like Harbhajan Singh.



Captaining the super kings has been a test for Dhoni, and the man delivered instantly. Dhoni won the respect of all his men, which also included a former skipper Stephen Fleming, who was left warming the bench and Matthew Hayden. So incredible were the super kings that Chennai was high on MSD. But after 4 successive victories, the skipper realised that he had indeed taken the services of Hayden, Mike Hussey and Oram for granted. Even Sivamani couldn't help him beat his drums. Even if the mascot , K Srikkanth was a maestro at playing a wind instrument, like say a trumpet, It couldn't have cheered Chennai. However while the team looks to find their winning ways, one must admit Dhoni definitely marshaled his forces well. The likes of Goni and Joginder Sharma have delivered when the going got tough and though Murli is yet to find his wicket taking formula, he's helped chennai keep a check on the oppositions run-rate. It would auger well for Chennai to bring back some of her disillusioned sons like T Kumaran and induct them into the Super Kings.



GMR Investments had some capital ideas for Delhi. They invested wisely and look like the most balanced side in the tournament. Viru is the only icon to justify the money spent on acquiring him. Gambhir was a deal, Vettori a steal, and Mcgrath, the f@#&ing sale of the century. And likes of Dhawan, AB De Villiers, Malik, Tiwari, Karthik and Bhatia setting the fields on fire, few teams could dare delhi. Also the presence of Mcgrath has definitely brought the best out of Asif, Mahroof and Yomahesh. One only hopes Sehwag doesn't allow himself the luxury of talking instead of letting his willow do it for him.



Rajastan Royals is the greatest thing that has happened for Indian Cricket since, well, helmets and protective gear against the West Indian Pace Battery in the 70's. Shane Warne would be remembered as the Indiana Jones of Indian Cricket for unearthing gems like Swapnil Asnodkar, Ravindra Jadeja, Taruwar Kohli, Yusuf Pathan and Siddharth Trivedi to the world. And add Graeme Smith, Sohail Tanvir and Shane Watson and the Royals look like they'd paint the "pink city" red. 5 successive wins definitely surprised all those who'd hardly given them a chance. Irrespective of the final outcome, Rajastan Royals will become one of the most popular teams in the league on account of their performances. And expect Shane Watson's price tag to hit the roof, just like the balls that leave his willow.



The team that's created more hype than any other in this edition is, brace yourself, Preity Zinta's boys from Punjab. Having started off very poorly, this team was open to any new idea that emerged from any quarter. While cricketers Irfan Pathan, Sangakara, Simon Katich, Brett Lee, Piyush Chawla, Jayawardene and Yuvraj made headlines for cricketing reasons, there were others who resorted to some "slap"stick. If that wasn't enough, Preity motivated her boys to "embrace" a new winning formula, her own Munna-Bhai inspired Jadoo Ki Jhapki. All these definitely helped Mohali turn (points)tables on their opponents. One is left wondering if the Mohali Franchise would be keen on acquiring Punjab da Puttar Bhajji next season to pump up the Bhangra. " Cricket is a serious Business" insist the owners. "This is no song and dance and we definitely need no villans", they say as some more "trainees" vacate rooms at the Taj for the dignitaries who grace the matches at Mohali.

Do we hear purists say "This is not cricket!" ?

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Poetry in Conversation

A friend ( who we'll affectionately refer to as "Small Wonder") and I found an interesting way of Killing time. We make poetry out of scrap! check it out...

SW:

Where art thou?
I'd like to ask thee
How u doin pai?
Are u taken or free?
;)

Pai:

Blessing is it,
Or is it a curse,
Free as I am,
To reply in verse.
:D

SW:

Free as you are
So am i!
Was goin thru friends
And saw sudhir pai.

Pai:

So good it is
To hear from thee
What friendly tidings
Do you bring for me?

SW:

Life is a drone,
It's just work and work.
Is it the same for you
Or do better things lurk?

Pai:

Life, a drone? is it?
A vacation is what you need,
To charge up your batteries,
Your creative cells doth plead.

SW:

A vacation has proved futile
For my sense i havent got back.
Sometimes sane sometimes senile
It's the fun that i think i lack :(

Pai:

Work life is hectic,
But it is not a bore,
I pray it's better,
For you in Mysore.

SW:

Not hectic as of yet,
But yes, it is a big bore
Staring all day at a black screen
Is more than just an eye sore!

Pai:

I thank thee for the pleasure,
I had a great time,
To speak of my listless life,
In lines of decent rhyme.

SW:

Haven't written like this
For donkeys years
Thought you would gladly oblige
For you possess the ear!

Pai:

These lines I’ll cherish,
And keep for posterity,
Some day I pray we meet,
And laugh at our preposterity.


:D, Thanks, Small Wonder! Orkut's never been so much fun! [:)]
Cheers!