No, I don’t wanna make frndship. There’s a reason why I signed up for Facebook, Twitter, meetup.com, orkut, livejournal, ibibo, bigadda, geni, youtube, goodreads, last.fm, blogger, flixter, flickr, adult friend finder, myspace, bebo, and livejournal.Did I repeat one. Forgive me, I have a life!
Yes, it’s true. I do have a great life. I have moved on. I’m no longer the short plump boy front bench- sitting teacher’s pet. Nor am I the backbencher in class, who slept all day in class, read ayn rand in the chem lab, smoked weed in the evening and downed neat vodka with lime and ice at 4 in the morning. I’m not even the geeky guy at work who stared at the system all day, made sense at the grammatical level, but was strictly off-limits from reality.
I don’t want to catch up with the chap who thought my most engaging conversation would be with gravity. Yea that bully in school that made up for his limitations in communication with his more than sufficiently endowed knuckles. Boy! Was he pleased as punch to send me a friend request?
I certainly don’t intend to meet my manager at the ex-employers who’ll probably talk of every time I screwed up with a nostalgic “Ah! Good old days. Where have they gone?” wow! Am I touched by his concern about how my job was treating me now, or if it was treating me at all, by its absence, as may be the case? His concerns seem innocuous enough now. But for all I know, so is Strontium 90.
I definitely don’t want to be hobnobbing online with that woman who reduced my intelligence to that of an oyster the day I decided to ask her out. And then dumped me after 18 horrifying days, like she probably did of the last pair of Bell-bottoms in her closet, when Capri pants were in. “So how has life been since we last met?”, she asks. Probably with the enthusiasm of a 70 year old fossil, in the twilight of his career as a dispenser of fossil fuel on a dilapidated state highway. I cannot for the life of mine imagine, why I would be exchanging friendly tidings with the woman, just when I was celebrating my 5th anniversary of being single again.
I definitely don’t want these major aberrations of my 25-something years of growing up on my network. Come on, I thought I was done with you. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen! I have a life now. And yes, I just want to fill up personal info pages on these social network sites as a hobby. Glorify it with quotations from books I’ve never read, songs I’ve never heard, movies I’ve never watched, one-liners that are most clichéd, pictures of places I’ve never been to, and talk of everything that I never really intend to do in my lifetime. See, the only ulterior motive behind my proactive participation in social networks is to impress women who are as intellectually stimulating as Balika Vadhu or whatever it is you love to watch, but make tall claims of Heroes and Prison Break being your favourite.
So now, please leave me to my exciting existence. Peace!