Sunday, August 21, 2011

Not so smart anymore

You may be wondering why I’ve returned to my blog, a tool belonging to an era which was still recovering from the disappointing Season 14 of Simpsons, when surfing still needed a 5-metre board, and when a man’s feminine side was his wife. I regret to say that I have lost my Smartphone. Yes, it’s a loss that’ll take me some time to get over. I think of it every time I hit the snooze button of my morning alarm, when I tuck the day’s newspaper under my arms knowing I’ll have a lot of waiting to do, when I actually use a piece of paper to note down a number and when I’m forced to visit my office on Sundays just to do something as insignificant as uploading this post.

It gets worse. I was forced to look for the phone book that I hadn’t used since I got my 3300 in 2005. I now resort to looking around or reading a book every time I hop onto a bus. I was forced to rummage for my 80GB hard drive for old mp3s, and to listen to which, I’ll have to turn on my old desktop. Internet radio, you suggest? Broadband connection, I ask you? Did you need one when you have your Smartphone? I probably need to go back to getting my connection again. Gosh, so much of work just to update my Facebook status.

By the way, did I also tell you I don’t have your contacts anymore? Yes, I know I never called anyway. Well, to tell you the truth, I never really had the time. There was so much to do with my phone, that it kinda slipped my mind to call you all once in a way, if only to remind you how much life sucks any way.

So here’s wishing you all to go back to your respective mailboxes, and send me your numbers again. I know, I know, I’m speaking a language that’s extremely archaic. I’m hoping you just bear with me for sometime, after I find my way to the bank (no maps on the phone you see), make my credit card payments (no m-banking you see), and then hopefully if I still have any money left, head to a store to pick up a new phone. I assure you, after that things will return to normalcy, and we can all go back to playing Mafia Wars with each other as if none of this ever happened. Cheers.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Things I want to do before I…

I believe I was born in Kerala. Why do I make a big deal of it, you ask? Well it’s because it still remains my biggest life accomplishment. If you can overlook my previous to-do lists that is. Because I’ve a hunch the last time I tried to come up with a list like this one, I may have listed another accomplishment as my greatest ever. Like the time when I learned to tie my laces. Or the time when I got my tongue to touch my nose. Or even the time when I cracked my first pun. Or the time when I completed one full paragraph without one (none here, see!). Coming back to the things I want to do, but without a deadline (To be read as things I’ll never really do). So here we go.
1. Become the official blogger at the Playboy Mansion
2. Go back to classroom, just to get the class do a silent Mexican wave every time a prof turns his back
3. Start a local chapter of Fight Club…and then run for my life
4. Go back to college, and scream inside the library
5. Get a letter published in Penthouse
6. Challenge Mike Tyson to 15 rounds at the Caeser’s Palace on PS2
7. Become Shane Warne’s wingman
8. Write the lyrics of an obnoxious Bollywood number like “ tohra dil ka theatre maa…dil diwana booking advance maare re…”
9. Sing the above song at a Karaoke
10. Attempt to list down 100 such things to do without a deadline.