Monday, March 26, 2012

The Great Bank Robbery

Being raised on Butch Cassidy & Sundance Kid, Italian Job, Ocean's Eleven and Tezaab, I had to come up with a master plan in case of emergencies for times like these. When I even refuse to offer my pennies worth on any subject. When I just cant afford to give away a damn( Which I'm told comes from the smallest unit of the Indian currency when Sher Shah Suri was the Indian emperor). When I'm forced to covet my neighbour's Wi-fi to post this on the blog. But this plan would only be successful under the following conditions -

- This is the day when the bank is replacing its security cameras
- The Vault has been left open for its annual vacuuming
- The security guard has had a serving too many of Perugannamu, so he's almost toppling off his wooden stool
- It's a day in summer when there is a power failure, and the security alarm is not connected to the generator as a cost cutting measure
- It's the day before holi, so having colour on your face is completely normal
- The bank must have an empty parking space right in front of the bank
- The roads must not be dug up because of a drainage choke
- There must be a Public transport strike in demand for a separate state
- India should be playing the world cup final against Sri Lanka, with Sachin batting solidly on 12 of 19 balls, in pursuit of his 100th Hundred
- The man who shouts "Help! Bank Robbery" times it with the cheers that erupt when Sachin hits a Six
- Any finger prints that we leave must be hidden by the the tea dropped my the chaiwalla while passing around the glasses for the entire row
- The Investigation on the robbery must be postponed to sometime after the general elections.

As you can see, this operation requires precise planning. We should be ready will a full draft after we conduct a thorough market research. And it's certified A+ by the International Bank Robbery Certification of Excellence(Indian Chapter). Now where do I get the USD 75 to pay for the application form for the IBRCE?


Sarwar Baig said...

A good piece. Genuinely funny and well-written.

Sudhir Pai said...

Thanks Sarwar.