Sunday, June 15, 2014

Trained For Life

9 am. Time for morning work-out. Speed walk to station. Oh no! Will miss the 9.20. Hail a cab. Minimum fare only. Taxi traffic outside station. Human traffic on the over-bridge. Missed it again. Drat!  Here comes 9.25. Andar chalo, boss! Why crowd at the entrance?

Oh my god! Death by armpits. The burial for every fragrance known to man! Davidhoff Cool Water will develop cold feet. Axe effect will face the axe. Ittar wearer will realise a train is not a bed of roses. Here the sweet smell of success is the one you experience when you can stick your head out like a mutt. Should have stood at the entrance only!

Arre hello, Prannath Bhai! You'll live a hundred years. We were just going to play a new round of teen patti. Here, here. Your cards. 100 bucks please! Come, come. Give the man his khakra! What's wrong with your eyes, Gokhale Saab. Watching match till late night or what?? I dont underastand why young man like yourself should watch football? Anyway, no hope for us, no? Oh, what? There was Hockey world cup also? Oh ho! Put money on Australia, I say. They usually win. Please move a little inside no? Here, here. You can also sit? "Agla Station, Matunga Road!"

Abbey Oye! Yeh First Class hai! Chal Nikal! Side please! Dadar? No? So move no? Please wear bag in the front. Please get off and then get back inside? Travelling the train for the first time or what?  So what if you have first class pass. I also have. Now will you just move. Dum hai toh get off the train and get on to the platform. I'll show you! Yea yea! I also dont have time to waste with people like you. You think you have the most important job in the world. You dont know who I am. Arre Dadar's come. I'll settle scores with you later. Excuse me, uncle. Dont know why I need to start my day like this.

Are you done reading? Oh why dont you hand me the business page. And the editorial to chacha. Dont worry. We will return it to you whenever you get off. We are getting off at Churchgate only. It's been so hot. I hope it doesn't flood this year. Ha ha ha ha! Who am I fooling. Dont know how Mumbai runs? Authorities seem to be doing nothing. They say we are a global city, but look at the state of our local train. You should actually change trains at Bandra. Shift to a fast train, and get off at Bombay Central. Then catch a slow train in the opposite direction. Arre, its easy. You'll get used to it. Wait, Wait. Lots of people get off at Elphinstone road. Get ready to grab a seat.

Hello! Sir! I'm sorry, I am still inside a train. I'm almost there. Let me call you in 5-10 mins. There's poor signal here. What? Oh no. I had called Sriram last evening, and he told me he'll have the report mailed to you the first thing in the morning. No no no. He should be there already! What? My god! Let me call that fellow! I dont know why these people cant plan their lives better. Dont worry. I should reach in another 15 minutes. What to do, walking takes time, no? Oh yes! Thank you! Whew! Hello, Sriram! Where the hell are you? What? Late again? Couldn't you have taken an earlier Train? Now dont give excuses. Just wait for me at the Lower Parel Station. We'll figure something.

9.45. Shucks! I have to stop hitting the snooze button in the morning. Side please!


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