Monday, January 9, 2012

Resume Enclosed

I used to have a thriving business during the placement season at the Bokissam Ananthapadmanathan Institute of Technology and Science (B.A.I.T.S). And there were two reasons for that. I never considered myself eligible for placements, owing to my innate desire to devote myself to a detailed study of subjects from my earlier semesters (technically known as ordinances), like Electronic Power Instrumentation Circuits(E.P.I.C), Digital Electronic Signal Processing (D.E.S.P.O), Computer User Network Theory (C.U.N.T.) and some other crucial subjects on personality development like The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, and The Argumentative Indian by my debating pal from Cal.

The other reason was since I was far above the competition, my batchmates were more inclined to share some confidential information with me, like “Extra-curricular kya hota hai, be******d??” and “Career Objective kya likhoon, bo***i kay!”

So good was I at churning out resumes, that I’d earned the moniker ‘CV’ RAMAN. And the money was so good that I haven’t had to write a CV for myself till now, nearly seven years (okay five in my case) after college, when my old clients (a.k.a my batchmates) started sharing my trade secrets with their cousins, bhanjaas and their frnds from Gudgaon, yaar! So I’m now faced with the challenge of writing one for myself. But a bigger challenge loomed. How do I present my CV writing skills in my own CV? That’s a bit like asking a modest Hrishikesh Kanitkar to write about his skills of disappearing from the international scene after being the blue-eyed boy who hit a four in the third last over of the seventh final between India vs Pakistan at the third edition of the Coca Cola cup, celebrating Bangladesh’s second independence (first from India, and then from …wait for it….Pakistan). So before we digress and speak about the irony of the finalists of the Coca Cola Cup in Bangladesh, let’s resume (Nudge! Wink !) the discussion of my resume.

But before I begin, let me elucidate that this is my resume, so press Ctrl C + Ctrl V at your own peril, because it takes a lot of panache to carry off a resume like the one you’ll see below.


About Me: I’m a Go-getter. And that does not limit to going and getting you your cup of filter coffee.

Academic Accomplishments: Engineering. With honour.

Institutes of learning:

BE from B.A.I.T.S, Dharmavaram
State Board from RK Public School, Dispur (not the one of MMS fame)

Yes, indeed. I’m mostly objective, unless of course Sachin is given out LBW despite an obvious inside edge.

Work Experience: 7 years of consulting bright engineers about their job prospects. It is said that their future was in my hands. In fact, I could give it to them in writing.

Extra-curricular Activities:

1. Represented School and College across several age categories at Kho-Kho with distinction.

2. Represented College across South India in Twenty Questions( also known as Tom, Dick and Harry at Bangalore and Engineering colleges at South Canara)

3. Roped in several Fortune 500 companies like McDonalds, Indian Oil, Tata Motors and Waag-Bakri Chai as sponsors for college events.

4. Won several Story Telling competitions since childhood.


Enclosed in this mail is a document that collates all the Thank You mails for all successful conversions of Resumes into Jobs, and sometimes careers.

For interview calls, please write to


akks said...

Awesome! You not only write brilliant resumes... but also inspire others to write resumes ;)
I was the official Application writer in school and college! One hell of a job that was. And mind you, I got paid nothing. I put it under Social Service!

Sudhir Pai said...

Well, this is a piece of fiction, inspired from my life obviously. It's only in fiction that you'd get paid to write CVs, SOPs and Apps your large "circle of Friends" who only remember you when something of the sort needs to be written.