Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Mouse Trap - a street play

(Having met Jagdish, Shravan and Priyadarshi within a fortnight, I thought this script had to be revisited. One last time!)

Disclaimer: No rats were hurt while this script was written. And re-written, another three times.

Principal Characters

Bushy Rat Senior(BRS)

Bushy Rat Junior(BRJ)
Bony Hair (Bony)

Sad Mouse (SM)

Kofi Anonymous (Kofi)

Narrator: Long ago, in a kingdom of rats, there lived one Mr. Bushy Rat

(Enter Bushy Rat Senior)

Narrator: He was the last rat standing in the global rat race. A race of arms that is. The Texan rat acquired unwarranted power and therefore, assumed the coveted title of "The Ruler of all Races". Until one day...

(A dirty rat attacks Bushy in the posterior and flees away)

BRS: (Howling in pain) Ow! Ow! That hurt!

(Enter Bushy Rat Junior)

BRJ: Father! Father! Who's that rat? Are you all right? I'll kill any rat who dares to attack my father.

BRS: Son. That was Sad Mouse. The Ruler of I-rat. He's a powerful mouse who controls the country's supply of cheese. We've been at loggerheads because of his demands. So he's been after my life ever since.

BRJ: Father! I'll bring him down to his knees at any cost. I'll do anything within our power to bring him down! And I won't give at rat's ass to what the world has to say thereafter.

Narrator: Twelve years later...

BRS: Son. You are now old enough to rule the kingdom. You are the heir to the throne. You are no longer our little rat. You belong to the kingdom now.

Crowd: No! No! We don't want him. Take him back. Boss, refund!

(The Bushys rush back to their hiding.)

Narrator: One day the World Trading Granary is attacked by Terrorats. Bushy Jr is all infuriated.

BRJ: Freedom itself was attacked this morning, and freedom will be defended. Make no mistake. The United States of Cheesyland will hunt down these terrorats. We'll smoke them out of their holes, or wherever else they hide and give them a hiding. I therefor declare a crusade against terroratism. Let us set a trap to catch that scum of the earth who calls himself Awesome Sin Laden.
(Enter Bony Hair, The Prime Minister from across the ocean)

Bony: Greetings, my lord. Your fur seems a little ruffled. Is everything all right?

BRJ: My dear Bony from over the ocean! How good to see you. I'm afraid things aren't too good here. I thirst for vengeance. This is payback time. I want to draw first blood. I'm going to rid the world of terroratism.

Bony: And how do you propose we do this, my lord. Many races will oppose your move.

BRJ: Bony, what's wrong with you? Do you know who my father is? He built this kingdom. Nobody can challenge my authority here. So stop being a pussy!

Bony: My Lord! I take strong offence at being accused of having feline characteristics. I'm a rat! And I detest all cats!

BRJ: I'm so sorry, Bony! It's the pressure of dealing with Terrorats that's talking. I didn't mean to offend. Come on. I think you'll like this. Let's declare a War on Terroratism.

Bony: Wait! Wait! Let's call the RRC!

BRJ: RRC? Have I heard that name before?

Bony: The Rodent Radio Corporation my lord. They'll do a great job of covering up the war with their coverage. So you can attack without worrying about opposition! Yes, you con!

BRJ: I'm proud of you my dear Comrat! You are the smartest rat I've ever known.

Bony: Second only to you my lord.

BRJ: (Commanding his armies) Let the attack begin!

(The war begins.)

Narrator: It is said the soldiering is a cowards way of harming mercilessly when strong, and keeping out of harm's way when weak. After this mindless rat and mouse game, Bushy's forces stood vindicated. They continued to stay at vigil, but bored.

BRJ: Bony! I'm bored.

Bony: Me too. No wars! What to do?

BRJ: Yes yes. We once had Korea and Vietnam. Or if nothing else, there was always India and Pakistan. But with Mouse Mohan choosing to stay quiet, and Mushy Rat forced into silence, we cant do a thing there...I know we'll do. Let's attack I-rat! This has been pending for long. My father once tried attacking I-rat 12 years back, but with little success. 

Bony: That's a splendid idea, my lord. But how will you justify the attack?
BRJ: Hummm... let's see. (Excitedly) We'll accuse them of possessing the WMD.

Bony: WMD? Forgive my ignorance, but what exactly is the WMD?

BRJ: Even I know this one. It's Weapons of Mouse Destruction, silly!

Bony: Oh that's fantastic! What an idea, sirjee!

BRJ: Ah! That was nothing, my honey Bony!
(To his forces!) My dear rats! It's time to invade I-rat!

(The war begins. Now enter Kofi Anonymous)

Kofi: What's going on? You have to stop this!

BRJ: Kofi! My Friend! You have been missing the action. Join the party!

Kofi: What party? We are talking about war here! I'm against war in principle. 

BRJ: We are also against war in principle. We are just waging a war for the sake of world peace.

Kofi: World peace? You are breaking the world into pieces you fools! Don't you know at the end of the war, it doesn't matter who was right! What matters is who is left?

BRJ: (To Bony) What did that mean, Bony?

Bony:( To Kofi) Now Kofi, please don't just stand there reading poetry. Poems never brought world peace. We've always had to fight for it.

Kofi: Peace is not an aftermath of war. It is the assassin of one.

Bony:  That really doesn't make any sense, Kofi.

(Kofi looks confused)

BRJ:  Yes yes! It did not make any sense to me, either. Now you decide whose side are you on? We are going to fight for world peace, whether you like it or not!

Kofi: Do you call yourself pacifists between wars? (Bony and BSJ nod in approval) Who are you fooling! And on what grounds are you taking the responsibility on yourself?

BRJ: We want to rid the world of WMD.

Kofi: Holy Cheese! Aren’t you two the biggest manufacturers of WMDs?

Bony: We have a responsibility here. The WMD could always fall in the wrong hands, you know!

BRJ: Which is why to be on the safer side, we produce more WMD.

Kofi: (completely confused) No no! I cannot let this happen! Young lives are at stake.

BRJ: Leave him alone! Let’s go and attack!

(The war goes on, I-rat is destroyed)

Narrator: this is RRC live at 1700 hrs. Our beloved Bushy Rat Jr is going to address his subjects shortly.

BRJ: My Dear Rats. I-rat is finally under our control. I hereby declare war on I-rat over and terroratism vanquished. I soon hope to announce the capture of Sad Mouse. And only then can my pop rest on his ass in peace.

Soldier: Sir! I-rat is destroyed!

BRJ: Well done, Soldier! What news of Sad Mouse?

Soldier: We haven’t found him, Sir!

BRJ: (Furious) YOU OAFS! Search every hole in the I-rat!

Soldier: Done, sir!

BRJ: Not Just Rat Holes soldier. Search every hole. Even Spider holes. If Spiders have holes.


Narrator: This is RRC, live at 1705 hrs
BRJ: My dear rats! We got him. I’m proud to declare that Sad Mouse will face the justice which he has denied for years to so many of his subjects. I can now proudly state that my pop’s ass can rest in peace…

BRS: But I’m alive, you fool!!

BRJ: Oh sorry, father. I meant you can now rest on your ass in peace.
( To Soldiers) Bring him in!

(enter Sad Mouse, in the custody)

BRJ: There you are, you sad little mouse. I’ll make you sadder than you’ve ever been.

Sad Mouse: #@%$#^%^%*^%* (Some words spoken in a language the other rats cannot understand)

BRJ: (Hiding behind Bony) What did he say? What did he say??

Sad Mouse: Release me and I’ll bite your ass too!

Bony: Oh no! Thank you very much for your kind offer, but Jerry dear wouldn’t approve of your kindness.
(in a threatening tone) We’ll see to it that justice is done and you are punished. Always remember - the mills of justice grind slowly, but grind exceedingly fine.

BRJ: Well said, Bony! Even though I did not understand a word of what you actually said.
 (To Soldiers) Take him away.

Narrator: For now it’s all bliss in the kingdom of rats, but hey! What’s this?

(Bushy, Bony rejoice singing “You and I, rule this beautiful world” to the tune of the famous Hutch Jingle from 2004. Then suddenly, Sad mouse joins them, shakes hands, and starts singing.)

It appears Sad Mouse has now joined the ranks of our favourite rulers.

As you can see, extremists everywhere have more in common than what we come to believe.

You see friends, when intention disappears into oblivion and desire binds those hungry for power, we must unite against this extortion of our fundamental rights and rebel against such atrocities.

(Play ends)

No comments: