Animal Instincts

Animal Instincts is a humorous take on slang. The animals featured in this comic strip indulge in all kinds of colloquial word-play that they themselves identify with. However, no animals were hurt during the creation of this comic strip. Take a trip to your wild side!

Baby's Day Out

Meet Needhi, my two year old niece and my favourite muse. Ain't she a buttercup?

This is not the title of my latest blog entry!

Have you ever had this serendipitous experience of inadvertently saying something fascinating and then later being awestruck by the sheer brilliance of it?

The other day,I finally understood why “The swiftest traveler is he that goes afoot”. So if you are given to believe Wren & Martin for rules of grammar, “I’m a liar!” is a simple statement.But,think again. So how would you classify a sentence like “I’m such a good liar that I actually believe everything I say”. Well, when I said this the other day, I just couldn't believe it. If I may venture to say so, the rules of grammar are, in reality, very illusive.

So, ladies and gentlemen, if you’ve not deciphered anything that’s written here, you’re better off thinking it was not written by yours truly.

50 ways to lose your lover!

My apologies to all Simon & Garfunkel fans, for corrupting the title of one of their songs. But then it is an apt title for this post. Ever wondered how two geeks discuss their love lives? Or the lack of it? read on...

Statuatary Warning: This a geek peak into a conversation between two S&G fans.

B: hmm... put somehow all the happenign women with the right perspectives on life...dig the classics & know their S&G, and I've not met one in a while...:(


M: dude you kidding?
and the ones you talking abt, make very entertaining dates. But that is it!

B: [:)]

M: he he!
dating them is good fun
but you'd prefer simplicity over sophistication when you looking long term...
he he!

B: been pondering over it dude for sometime ...
i think there's nothing simpler than S & G, nothing easier on the back than a bloody 20 kilo backpack ...yadayada
sophistication and simplicity can be heavily loaded words :)

M: ha ha ha!

I'll tell you this from experience....
if you ever date a woman who knows her S & G , you'll end up singing " I am a rock" to yourself....

:D

B: :)))))))))))))))

twas a good one M :) But there's sumthin about women who know their SnG.....

M:trust me!

B: u betcha :)

M: May be it's not all that bad in the beginning...but later...

B: naah..

I think it starts with "feeling groovy", when u've just come thru a "boxer" phase

M: ha ha ha!

B: somewhere along the way u have "kathys song"

M: thats only after you've sung "bridge over troubled water" a million times! and being an S&G fan herself, she wouldn't buy it so easily...

B: ive known very few women who know their SnG and Ive havent really dated any..so all conclusion of mine are bound to be conjectural...

M: you realise you never get to sing "wednesday morning 3 am" after "Kathy's song", instead you end up singing "cecelia" and feel like "the only living boy in new york"

so i never let it go beyond the "dangling conversations " path...

:D

B: Drat! I wouldn't want to be labelled the "most peculiar man"

M: Christ! you "think too much" man. We wouldn't let that happen. what are "old friends" for, anyway?

B: ha ha ha!

A day in the life of...

“So why don’t you blog as often as I’d like you to?” asked a friend. That’s an interesting one. I could possibly write about it. I just had to write about it. I was really excited about this one. Man! It’s brilliant! Wow!


“Woke up, got out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs

And drank a cup
And looking up,

I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs

And had a smoke
Somebody spoke

And I went into a dream
Ah…”


I could feel some path-breaking creativity shaping up in my head, and the forms were swaying to the tunes of a Beatles number. I just had to start typing. Oh! I cannot wait anymore. Oh! The Bloody Traffic…


An hour in the traffic, which seems like a day, is spent fantasizing about what is to come. The hullabaloo of honking Hyundais and Hondas are lost on me as my mind continues working in a flip-flop mode, alternating between an inebriated writer and his martinet editor; the former conjuring up verses without a care for deadlines while the latter dissecting and transplanting words, which fail to impress.


By the time I reach home, my thoughts have elevated to great heights. It's 8 PM! No time to waste! Rush to the shower, the kettle’s heating, the system’s turned on. Time for some action! The lights are dimmed; Dizzy Gillespie plays in the background as I stare at the plain white text file. Time passes, excitement in my veins, hand-eye reflexes reach a peak, an emotional everest is conquered, and there's more, it's a creative burst in my head, and all the veins feel the impulses...and there is more...It's a thunder storm, I'm profusely sweating, yet I enjoy the moment like a walk in a teeming rain, ... oh my god! and theres more...a lightning in my mind sends electric arrows all over... my eyes are blinded by a rainbow that strike my eyelids, i shut my eyes and I see words weave themselves into sentences, sentences into paragraphs , ...into fairytales,...triggering by other senses...a foam of music fills my ears and renders a racing pulse, ... my nostrils flare up and my mouth opens to fuel the inner flames...the heart is pumping overtime like a steam engine and cannot take it anymore...oh god!...the words...the emotions...passion... ecstasy ... fervor...bliss...ah...goodness...this is life...jesus christ...the words...i need some more words ...more words...i'm running out of 'em...just some more...a little more...ahhh...THE END!

Normalcy is restored, the heart is less frantic, each breath is longer than the preceding one, the paroxysm of pleasure settles down into a mist of fulfillment, a warm glow envelops the body and lethargy obscures reality. I open my tired eyes and find the blank document stare at me, indifferently. My mind's too exhausted to start it all over again. Besides it's 2 AM. Sigh!

And this song I was writing is left undone
I don't know why I spend my time
Writing songs I can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme

As I lay down on my bed, I realise that my thoughts and I are too detached, and the relationship, a mere one-night stand isn't good enough to procreate an idea that's worthy of being written about. Now I know why I dont blog as often as I'd like to. That being said, it's still a wonderful experience as it leaves my intellectual batteries recharged, to live at the least another day in the life of... (ahem!) yours truly.

Critical Mass!

Here's a piece I'd written last year, but it's still contemporary in subject since little has changed since I wrote this piece. Guess I've been penny wise and few hundred pounds foolish. Here goes:

One of the most intriguing questions that has troubled mankind since creation has finally taken a turn in my life. How does one bear the weight of expectations; from parents, friends, spouse, boss, the significant other(or in the absence of one, your own!) etc?

Much inspired by one smart alec’s comment which goes like “to fight an ideology, have one of your own”, the realization finally dawned upon me. So dear netizens, the only way to fight the weight of expectations is by mustering some yourself.

With this new found self-belief I started out in right earnest by devouring big mac’s by the dozen. This seemed ok till the inhabitants of my wardrobe refused to cooperate. Humph! The circumstances demanded some tact on my part. After all draping a body that had assumed the shape of an overgrown ectoplasm would be stretching it too far(my poor levis that is). To say I am in good shape would only expose my wicked sense of humour. In fact Euclid himself would have a tough time “figuring” me out at my present disposition.

So now, a new problem? I need to shed some weight to fit in! It’s the time to “weigh” my options. I should probably try restricting my food intake, was a popular suggestion. But given my “never say diet” attitude, the chances of that happening are, honestly speaking, slim! Besides it would force me to eat, if nothing else, my own words, aptly employed at the start of this entry. Maybe I should try some “weapons of mass destruction” ie gym equipment. This would entail a disciplined visit to a gym for at least a couple of months! Doesn’t seem worth the weight...err…wait! I could definitely use some advice. Any suggestions?

The Write Way

Recently I was asked about the rules I follow when I attempt to write. Humm! I’d never been made to feel like an expert before, so I thought I’d strike the iron when the sun shines, err, I mean making hay when it’s hot. I’ll list down all the “proverbial” rules I am conscious of when I attempt to write:

1. Convince your readers with brevity. I never use more words, phrases, sentences, or other linguistic elements and parts of speech than I, myself, can actually and precisely use or employ when expressing myself or otherwise giving voice to what I may or may not be thinking when I am trying to say how many words I should use or not use while using words.

2. And I never begin a sentence with a conjunction.

3. To begin a sentence with an infinitive is incorrect.

4. I avoid clichés; they are old chestnuts.

5. I avoid annoying alliterations that are also abrasive and awkward.

6. And the secret of funny writing? …timing! Let me explain once more, I never drag a joke to such an extent that it outlives its lifetime and is easily forgotten. Did you get it? Wait! I’ll say that again…(read rule no.7 again)

7. Employing foreign words and phrases ad infinitum hovers on ad nauseam.

8. Starting a sentence with a hanging gerund is one of my favourite “no-nos”.

9. I use my commas wisely lest I’m labeled forgive the pun “rebel without a clause”.

10. I hate using single word sentences. Period!

11. I avoid using quotations that digress from the subject. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have once remarked, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12. Puns are entertaining for kids, or the children-at-heart. For “groan” readers, they are “pun”ishing.

13. I use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

14. It’s my blog. So I make the rules. And I rewrite them with every new entry. So my own suggestion, never follow any rules. Just blame it on your creativity.