Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Verses from the Indian Dressing Room

In one of the most thrilling events today, the airport authorities of Hambantota reported the discovery of an Indian Jersey that was full of writings. On further inspection, it was found to be a souvenir with signatures. On closer inspection, it was found to be signatures of the Indian Cricket Team. The final inspection revealed that these were attempts at Haiku, in short notice.

The whole island nation went into fits of laughter at the news. After their collective breaths were restored, Sri Lankan Media personality Darangoda Upraboth Maluhalla Alulage Sumesh Sahiru De Silva responded with a honest remark, "What a funny. Even our very own local boy Warnakulasuriya  Patabendiga Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas could hook the short ball better than some of the Indian greats."

When it was pointed out it that it was the Indian Cricketers' Writing talents that were being referred, Mr DUMASS De Silva responded with yet another Lankan classic, "Oops! My bad!". Journalists then tried to decipher the writing and it proved to be as challenging as the first morning session of the first class match between Wayamba and Nondescripts. After a gruelling session in humid conditions, the Sri Lankans were overjoyed with the first victim of Haiku. This is what it read:

In case of Test Matches
Will not poke outside off stump
Poking is for Facebook
- Gautam Gambhir

In a burst of adrenalin, the Sri Lankan media went back to attaching the Indian Team Jersey with greater intensity. A disciplined attack with the help of handwriting analysis edged out a prized Indian batsman:

Wicket good for batters
Will play first hour carefully
Will call mother after play
- Virendra Sehwag

"Oh ho! Sehwag ki Maa, ah?", went one Indian journalist of the Madurai persuasion. Clearly encouraged by their efforts, the Sri Lankans resumed their workmanly attack with the kind of enthusiasm that was mistaken for pace, closely resembling the run up of Lanka's fastest bowler of the early 90s - Arvinda De Silva. The next Indian batsman was simply asking for punishment:

 Long innings played today
Not good for the eyes and mind
Better quit playing PS3
- Rohit Sharma

Having knocked three Indian batsmen, the Lankan media had a satisfying lunch. The post lunch session proved to be much more challenging. Perhaps it was a combination of 90% humidity and heavy lunch or Rice and Prawns. After a couple of hours, tea was taken. And this gave the Lankans an opportunity to look at the Indian Batsmen with a new perspective. "Maybe, if we study some videos of Indian Batsmen, it should help us what's going on in their heads, and that will be the KEY to knowing the secret of Indian batting", said one Dr OBVIUS Kumarasinghe, with a Ranjit Fernandoesque emphasis on key words. What followed was a couple more Indian batsmen sorted out in no time.

Will take it easy,
Will take it to very end,
Hit six, well, of course
- MS Dhoni

I am just the best
With a big tummy for fight,
I am just the best
- Yuvraj Singh

Five batsmen down is a good result before end of day's play, the Lankans agreed. "Whatever they come up with next should be easier to break down", said a very confident HIHOPES Ratnayake, a veteran at cricket lingo.

However the next morning proved to be a disaster in waiting. Overnight rains had caused the Indian team's writing completely illegible, and as a result of which Virat Kohli remained a mystery. " We threw everything we had at Kohli, but it seems too difficult to understand that man", said ROTFL Gunavardane.

However the one batsmen whose haiku the journalists wanted to check out was that of VVS Laxman. But it appeared far ahead of the rest , according to experts. "Poetry in motion indeed. He he", said GAGFI Perera.  

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