Sunday, July 15, 2012

Sun Signs Gone Wrong - Part One

I once noticed this massive tome written about the subject by Linda Goodman. My own narcissistic urges got the better of me and I turned to read the page on Geminis. Now I couldn't help but agree with most of the adjectives used to describe me: quick-witted, restless, inventive. And I was also amazed at some of the things I didn't know about me: popular, social charmer and blah! A pinch of salt perhaps. I quickly turned to read about some sign I was hardly related to, like Pisces. Again I seemed to nod in agreement with most of the superlatives: sensitive, imaginative, sympathetic. Ditto with Leo: generous, honest, sociable. Clearly, this is a conspiracy.

There is only so much good in this world. And surely, the best of qualities spread across the sun signs. What that means is books on astrology is as much about the personality types as IPL is about Cricket. So Ladies and Gentlemen, we took it upon ourselves to read between the lines, and we must say the real stuff was much like the potent component of a homeopathy pill, carefully concealed within the 99% sugar coating. Here are the findings:

You are bold, rebellious, and always eager to buck the trend while being loyal to your old ways. Which is possibly why in an arms race, you'd skip the Magnums, the Uzis, the Nuclear Warheads and settle for a good old Cat o' Nine Tails, with which you'd want to whip the rest of the race into submission! You'd be the first to dismiss off this post with a "Hey! I know what I am, Okay!". Your idea of a argument is the one with only one voice - yours. Your ram-like attitude definitely gets people's goat.

You are persistent, practical and painstakingly patient. If you were Noah, you'd double check on all the intricate details on the ship-building blue print, find the ideal location to build the ark where it's closest to the turtles while being farthest from the cheetah, make every possible arrangement for the rainy day, and then curse the weather for not keeping up with its commitment of raining as heavily as it was agreed upon.And that's when you raise your best quality- your bull-headedness. Having done something so diligently, you'd simply refuse to start it all over again. 

You are restless and quick-witted, and highly indulgent in your so called passions. You'd possibly buy a second refrigerator only to show off your fridge magnet collection. You probably start cooking with great interest, and lose it as quickly when it comes to cleaning up the mess you've created. At that instant, you realise it's a lot easier to cook up stories instead. And yes, when it comes to dealing with you, the pun is always intended. So when people call you a two-faced bastard, you picture yourself in the latest spandex gear, fighting Two Face one dark night.

More to follow..

(PS: Being a true Gemini, the author just lost interest in this piece. He thinks catching up with his Libran date at the library may prove to be more interesting.) 

Three Hours Later...
(PS: The Author resumes, for the lack of anything better to do)


You are emotional, nostalgic and home-loving. You attach yourself to the most insignificant of objects that have been a part of your life. Which explains how your room is a mess, but not lacking in memories. Among your souvenirs are the blackened shoe lace of your first ever pair of Converse; an 8-year old apple(the fruit that is) kept at the study table to remind you of how your Physics lecturer taught you the chapter of Gravity, and the your first pair of Levis, turned three-fourths, turned mopping cloth that lies on the top of your clothes pile. And you wouldn't want to trade these for all the gems in the world.


The born leader, you are characterised by your love for your ways of life, your daily activity and most importantly, the mirror. You are always the first speak in a group, the first to have a photo taken of yourself and love referring to yourself in third person, only to say, "Wait, that was me!". You love taking pictures of yourself. And love a picture of you taking a picture of yourself more than anything else. Which is possibly why you love every product that Apple launches in the market. Because everything from Apple begins with an "I".

You are prim and proper. You only see the world in two shades - clean and not so. Which is why you sweep people off their feet, quite literally. You'd easily be the best homie any one can have, unless we are talking about a personage of Cancerous attachments. You brush your teeth twice -  before and after every meal. You rush to the shower every time you shake a hand. You sterilize a tissue paper before you use one. Even your garbage can would be colour coordinated. And if it's left to you, you'd clean up every detergent available in the market before it is sold.     

More to follow..

(PS: If you've read this far, you know why the author's stopped again) 



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