Sunday, November 18, 2012

Mad Man's History Lessons: Timeline 6

In school, I was told that those who don't learn history are doomed to repeat it. In college, I learnt that the same was true for Linear Integrated Circuit System (LICS), Digital Signal Processing (DESPO) and Electronic Power Instrumentation Circuits (EPIC) too. On this serious note, we begin our study of 18th Century's most significant events.

1705 AD: The Norwich Post becomes the first daily newspaper in England. The first page was dedicated to the falling standards of football in Norwich County, which lost 5-0 to one financially modest team from Manchester.

1714 AD: The Mercury thermometer was invented by Daniel Fahrenheit. The doctors of the day ask him to shove it up his A#@E.

1715 AD: The Rectal Thermometer wins the Innovation of the Year Award.

1726 AD: Jonathan Swift writes Gulliver’s Travels. The book banned by the midget community.

1736 AD: Rubber discovered by Charles-Marie de la Condamine while on expedition in South America. He uses it to make bands that hold his hair in place.

1752 AD: Benjamin Franklin shocks the world with a lightning rod.

1757 AD: Following the victory in the Battle of Plassey, several young Englishmen enroll for employment with the East India Company, so as to explore a country that’s a “few years behind” the western world. They reach India only to realize that it’s five and a half hours ahead of Britain.

1770 AD: Captain James Cook is commissioned to observe and record the transit of Venus across the Sun. He discovers Australia instead, and leaves behind a bunch of inmates who stole some beer from the crew's kitchens.

1773 AD: Colonists gate crash into a tea party and dump tea into Boston Harbor. British call the act "barbaric," because that’s not how they liked their tea

1776 AD: United States Declaration of Independence adopted by the Continental Congress in Philadelphia. Schools there celebrate their first holiday ever.

1784 AD: Benjamin Franklin is the first visionary ever to sport the bifocals, which he'd invented the previous night.

1798 AD: The Irish Rebellion failed to overthrow British rule in Ireland. The three Irishmen who bunked the rebellion walked into a bar. Those three remain the most popular Irishmen till date.

I’m sure it’ll take you a while to read up on all the above information. Especially the adventures of the three Irishmen who walked into a bar. So we’ll resume our history lessons and study about the Europeans empires that started conquering nations only to introduce them to cricket and football and justify the organization of a “World Cup”. So long!

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