Saturday, November 3, 2012

Mocking CAT

Students these days are too busy to take up this prehistoric hobby called reading, which is quite understandable. After spending the day watching Virat Kohli scoring a match winning 32 of 18 balls against Pune Warriors India, commenting about it on Facebook, memorizing the lyrics of Gangnam Style and sharing 10 memes that mock Psy, and then heading for their daily game of Tennis on Nintendo Wii, where's the time to read? Sadly for them, they still have to read. Especially if they have to crack the Common Entrance Test (CAT) for pursuing Business studies in India. Not to worry! Just get them to read the following passage once-a-day for a month, and they’ll be driven to read something better for the rest of their lives.   


If you found your way to this post and do not know the author, chances are you are a male student in his final year of Engineering, who is reluctantly toying with the idea of giving the CAT exam. The Author's research suggests that you may also have missed out on a campus placement and may have spent four years acquiring lifestyle skills that aren't exactly marketable in the corporate world. For instance, your strategic skills that helped you master warcraft, your marketing abilities that gets you LIKES for your WHY YOU NO memes, your financial management that helped you acquire hectares of agricultural land on Farmville, your creative spark that won you the 3rd prize in the Inter-course Mad Ads contest in University, or even your dashing personality that got as far as the finals of the Master B.A.I.T.S. (Short for Bokissam Ananthapadmanathan Institute of Technology and Science) pageant, will amount to nothing more than the occasional Rs 100 Gift Vouchers you’ll get from the newly opened Air-conditioned canteen that sells 58-Rupee Espressos (Service Tax + Service Charge not included). It certainly won’t impress the 36-year old HR Manager who still can’t beat his 5-year-old in Angry Birds. 

Soon you’ll he heading home while your student loan interest helps your dad’s banker’s kid get an admission in a prestigious institute like B.A.I.T.S. Soon your dad will say, ‘When I was your age, the biggest concern my parents had was why I didn’t get married? All I’m asking you is why don’t you get a job?’ Soon you’ll have to start looking for one when you realize that your monthly allowance is not good enough to pay the monthly bill of your 3G connection.

Don’t look for a job just to pay your 3G phone bill. Write CAT. Join a B School. Enjoy two more years of college. And then get a job that can help you buy the iPhone 7S

Question 1

What is the essence of the above passage?
a)      The Author never cleared the CAT himself, which is why he knows what happens if you don’t clear CAT yourself.
b)      The Author understands nothing about Smartphones. For all that you know, he’s never even used 3G
c)      Joining B School is a great idea according to the Author. He perhaps works in the marketing department of the MBA department of B.A.I.T.S.
d)      None of the above

Question 2

Which of the following is grammatically incorrect?
a) It’s ‘Warcraft’, not warcraft.
b) It’s intercourse, not inter-course,
c) It’s not WHY YOU NO, it’s Y U NO. Lolz!
d) What Grammar?? You mean gamer?

Question 3

Which of the following can be a title of this passage?
a) Zen and the Art of Belling the CAT (pun intended)
b) To B.A.I.T.S fish withal. If it feed nothing else, it is feed my lolCATs.
c) CAT crack fever?
d) Any geeky cultural reference, with the words CAT being in the correct order and written in upper case, e.g. CATharsis. 

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