Sunday, November 25, 2012

Mad Man's History Lessons: Timeline 7

Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.” Some how, the generations that followed never agreed with him. Why, just take some more time to read the posts on this trail, which began here, and you’ll agree that we may never be able to agree with one another in the matters concerning History.  On these terms of agreement, we’ll revisit the 19th century:

1804 AD: The world population touches one billion. The team assigned to take a roll call for the planet is still on the job.

1807 AD: Britain declares the Slave Trade illegal. But only after the last shipment of Indian farmers reach the shores of Guyana.

1812 AD: For some weird reason, Napoleon believed he could simply walk into Russia with half a million soldiers and scare the Russians into submission. The Russians invited the visitors to play a game of hide and seek in winter, and beat them.

1824 AD: Beethoven performs his 9th symphony to receive a deafening applause from the audience. But in what was the cruelest case of irony, Beethoven could hear none of it.

1836 AD: After his earlier ideas of arm making were shot down, Samuel Colt comes prepared with his latest invention, the revolver. With the firearm’s ability to shoot a round of six bullets without manual reload, Colt now knows he’ll at least get a second shot.

1837 AD: Charles Dickens publishes Oliver Twist. Critics dismiss it for the lack of a twist.

1849 AD: The Austrians try to bomb Venice with the help of unmanned balloons filled with explosives. However, strong winds ensured that the balloons flew back to Austria.

1859 AD: Charles Darwin writes the first draft of “Planet of the Apes”.

1869 AD: The Suez Canal opens. Somalian pirates suddenly find new job openings.

1872 AD: The first international football match is played between England and Scotland, is played. The Scots realize very early in the match that wearing kilts did not help.

1889 AD: Aspirin patented. Husbands around the world find a solution to wives’ headaches.

1894 AD: Thomas Edison demonstrates motion picture. However, some of the audience missed the movie entirely because they’d stepped out to buy popcorn.

If you thought man became more intelligent as he evolved, wait until you realize what’s to follow in the 20th century. So until the next class, try reading some History without ever trying to enter it yourself. Take care. 

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