Friday, November 30, 2012

Mad Man's History Lessons: Timeline 9

In 1939, the world was at war. Just when people were busy preparing for the 20th anniversary of end of the war that ended all wars. As always, it's blamed on the absence of a local area network that would have allowed a handful of leaders like Hitler, Mussolini, Churchill, Stalin, Roosevelt, etc. to play a few hours of Counterstrike and settle it like gentlemen. Instead, they all forced young men, who were preoccupied with countless hours of playing battleships in bathtubs, to various battlefields across the world. As one radio announcer famously said, “In times like these, it's helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” So let’s go back in time to try and laugh at what was arguably the worst joke on mankind. 

September, 1939: Hitler’s army invades Poland. The Poles cry foul about not being intimated of the same. Hitler says, “It’s a postal delay. Not my fault.” and continues his march.

November, 1939: Russians try and enter Finland when the rest of Europe fights Hitler. Only to be greeted by a particularly potent round of Molatov Cocktail by the Finns. The Russians find the cocktail a little too hard to digest.

June, 1940: Hitler wants a Patel snap taken in front of the Eiffel Tower. So he only bombs the rest of France.

September, 1940: Italians surprise Egypt and invade it. The Egyptians crib, stating that they were only warned about a roman outfit. But they were thoroughly confused when none of the soldiers were seen in togas.

1941: Germany, Italy, and Japan enforce the Tripartite Pact on the rest of the world, and decide to sell their cars all over the world.

December, 1941: Going against their turn, the Japanese tag the Americans at Pearl Harbor. Now the yanks are forced to enter the field and play.

June, 1942: The Americans finally catch up with the Japanese in the Pacific, in an obscure atoll in the middle of nowhere called Midway.(Duh!)

November, 1942: The Americans finally stop the Japanese from hop-scotching their way into Australia by cutting them off at Solomon Islands

January, 1943: Soviets attack Germans in Stalingrad

July, 1943: British attack Germans in Hamburg

October, 1943: Confused Italians attack Germans. Not really. Turns out some idiot didn’t realise they were playing with Friendly Fire on.

June, 1944: D-Day landings successfully carried out. German failure is blamed on the inability to expand D-Day.

December, 1944: Nearly 300,000 men participate in a German offensive called “Battle of the Bulge”. The Japanese feel offended at not being invited on account of not being suitably endowed.

April, 1945: Hitler marries Eva Braun. A few days later, he shoots himself.

August, 1945: The world finally realizes that the Atom Bomb is more than just a noisy cracker from Sivakasi.

Following the 6 year war that would kill millions of people, the world finally realised that at the end of  the war, it really didn’t matter who was right. What mattered was who was left. And that’s who we’ll discuss in the next history lesson. A generation that tried rather unsuccessfully to prevent war, while being committed to prepare for it.

No comments: